There’s two ways this post can go today: serious and not. I think since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and we know that will be reflective and narcissistic, today we’ll go funny.
And it will be short. You have been a real trouper through these last two long posts. Though I agree with what you are thinking- they were totally worth it.
So I go to see my grandmother today at the nursing home. We call her Ma. My grandfather is there visiting as well. We call him Colonel. “Because he is a war hero?”, you may ask. And the answer is no. We call him that because he looks like Colonel Sanders from KFC. Don’t believe me? Fine.You know, it’s quasi-bothersome that I have to “prove” everything to you. Remember when you used to just take me at my word? Where’s the trust? Gah.
Back to the story.
So Colonel and I are talking about my cousin Jake starting a job today. Here’s the exact dialogue:
Colonel: “Yeah, Jake probably tried to call my cell phone and tell me.”
Me: “Did you lose it?” [the most likely situation. He is 94 years old.]
C: “Nope, dropped it in the commode.” [More commonly known in 2007 as the toilet.]
Me (cringing in preparation for too much info): “How did that happen?”
C: “Well, I bent over to pick somethin’ up from behind the commode and it slid right out of my shirt pocket. Plop.”
Me: “Did you get it out?”
C: “I got it out right aways, but it was too late. It’s totally dead.”
Me: “Colonel, why don’t you just take it apart and let it dry for a couple of hours? That might help.”
C: “Already tried to dry it. Still dead.”
Me: “How did you try to dry it?”
C: “I put it in the toaster oven.“
An obvious solution. Put a wet mechanical device in an electric heater. As I continued to question this line of decision making, I came to learn that apparently the first minute that a toaster oven is on is quite effective for drying things. Next he’s going to tell me that he keeps his hair dryer in a bathtub full of water because it works better that way. Gracious. He’s like a cat with 9 lives. Except he’s on life #24.
Here’s one more hilarious Colonel tidbit- He was making everyone SIGN IN at Ma’s nursing home saying the date and time that you visited. I found this ludicrous. So I revolted and refused to sign in. Ever. And today Colonel tells me that he finally just took the notepad home because I had single handedly killed his initiative. Somehow, I managed to thwart his efforts completely- I don’t know how I did that- I never even talk to other people (besides family) who go to visit her. Sometimes, I guess I just don’t know my own strength and power of influence. Even over people I don’t interact with or see.
Didn’t I know, he explained, that he just wanted to thank people who came to visit? I gave him the opportunity to thank me in person right then. He didn’t take it.