All you have to do is ask.

on August 17, 2008 in Nash-livin' with 22 comments by

Some days lately have been really good.  REALLY good.  And I am grateful.  REALLY grateful. But not everyday.

A few days ago was not so great.  I think, to some extent, this moving, this giving up of my life and my world and my people, its kind of like going through a grieving process.  Roller coaster-y.  [Is that a word?]  And just like a roller coaster, the dips sneak up on you.

I was going along, fine as could be, when suddenly, I didn’t want to make any more friends.  I didn’t want to introduce myself again, tell folks I’m a writer, explain my current project, and try to explain why Nashville.  That one is always a bit tricky.  I just wanted someone to look at me and KNOW me.  Really know me.  I wanted, dare I say “needed”, someone to have a memory involving me.  More than, “Oh yeah, you’re Jason’s friend” or “I met you at so-and-so, right?”.  A real memory.  Like a ha-ha-what-a-great-time-we- had-I-am-so-glad-you-were-there memory.

I lost steam.  I lost motivation.  I lost desire.  I was already tired of being the new girl.  I wondered, for the first time, what it would be like if I just went home.  Just packed it up, thanked God and Nashville for the opportunity, and went home.  For a second, for just a blip on this Annie’s story screen, it didn’t seem worth it.

I know, it’s only been 2 weeks.  But give a sister a break.  I left a REALLY great community.  And my family.  And my life.  And have I mentioned I DON’T DO CHANGE?

So, I was driving home from Kroger, attempting to not use the Garmin.  I was twisting and turning, inside and out.  My car was behaving much like my heart.  Searching for the turn that would actually take me home.  Looking around every corner hoping something would feel familiar.  My heart cried out-

I just don’t like this at all, God.  I’m trying so hard to follow You but it is BREAKING MY HEART.  I’m more discouraged than I’ve been yet.  I want to go home, but I know You have called me here.  I need You to show up for me.

And I looked up and my eyes caught this sign.

I guess all I had to do was ask.

22 comments

  1. candace
    posted on Aug 17, 2008 at 6:11 PM  |  reply

    if there is one thing we have learned in our years of gathering wisdom it is to heed the word of the church sign. “forbidden fruits creates many jams.”….lesson learned. do what the sign says.

  2. posted on Aug 17, 2008 at 6:26 PM  |  reply

    sweet.

  3. posted on Aug 17, 2008 at 6:34 PM  |  reply

    COME ON, NOW.

  4. posted on Aug 17, 2008 at 6:59 PM  |  reply

    wow. i have chill bumps! thank you for your authenticity. i love your heart…

  5. posted on Aug 17, 2008 at 7:13 PM  |  reply

    Wow. God rocks, doesn’t He?

  6. posted on Aug 17, 2008 at 7:36 PM  |  reply

    That’s just awesome. Love it, love it, love it when He answers so directly.

  7. posted on Aug 17, 2008 at 7:39 PM  |  reply

    Annie, I’ve been following your blog for a while and this move reminds me of myself many decades ago when I became the first person on either side of my family to ever go to college, and I went 2200 miles from home. After about six weeks, I remember reading in the OT the story of the wandering Israelites who complained to God and asked, “why did you bring me out here—to die?” I asked the same question, and He said, “yes”. It was then that I began to die to myself and began to learn to really live for Him. It was a hard lesson; it sounds like you are a little further on your journey. I will continue to pray for you.

  8. posted on Aug 17, 2008 at 10:05 PM  |  reply

    Echoing what Christine said … and I don’t even know her … it reminds me of when I was 18 and left Mayretta for Gainesville without knowing a soul. It was a great experience. I found friends and experiences that will stay with me forever. The Lord is good. Remember that. Know that. Live that.

  9. Barb-a-licious
    posted on Aug 17, 2008 at 10:35 PM  |  reply

    He has incredible things for you and I can’t wait!!

  10. April
    posted on Aug 17, 2008 at 11:55 PM  |  reply

    LOVE, LOVE, LOVE when God does that!!! God has you right where you are suppose to be! I’m so proud of your obedience to what He has called you to do, even though it’s hard!

    So great to hear your voice on Friday….two weeks until Nashville gets hit by the Triple A’s! Can’t wait to see you!!!

  11. caren
    posted on Aug 18, 2008 at 5:40 AM  |  reply

    wow. to both you and candy c’s comment! love it!!

  12. Renee
    posted on Aug 18, 2008 at 7:01 AM  |  reply

    Sometimes asking is the hardest part. But just look at the results! Way to go, God!

  13. Debs
    posted on Aug 18, 2008 at 8:09 AM  |  reply

    Annie, I get that so much…I have moved 10 times in the last 30 years….missed my friends to tears …but God has always come through and brought new friends…and now I have what I call “heart friends” all over the country!…At one point in the journey though it hit me…Jesus is everywhere, because He is in my heart! Hang in there sista!

  14. Terry Stickler - Julie's Husband
    posted on Aug 18, 2008 at 8:46 AM  |  reply

    Hey Gal,

    Hang in there! Remember, roller coasters are the most fun when they are plunging downward! Catch your breath at the bottom and enjoy the ascent. We know you’re following God’s plan for your life!

    Terry

    ps – There’s always a place for you at our weekly dinners!

  15. posted on Aug 18, 2008 at 1:37 PM  |  reply

    God is good

  16. Cabana Maam
    posted on Aug 18, 2008 at 2:51 PM  |  reply

    Girl, I am right there with you! We’ve moved four times in the last 5 years and your third paragraph really resonated with me.

    But in the middle of it all, I love that you asked, I love that He answered, and I love how you are sharing your journey. Thanks for pointing me to Him…again. God bless you, precious girl!

    By the way, I just left Nashville and I’m headed back to ATL (in 3 weeks), so we could talk! 🙂

  17. posted on Aug 18, 2008 at 3:19 PM  |  reply

    Wow the Lord is faithful.

  18. amy griffith
    posted on Aug 18, 2008 at 3:53 PM  |  reply

    annie, you know how excited i am for you! you know i will be honest too! it will get harder, and He will sustain you….He will annie, He will…..it’s what He does……read through His promises, hold Him to them, He LOVES coming through…..He is all He says He is…..choose to live, walk, breathe in that everyday, and write annie! now is the time, write EVERYTHING that flippantly passes through your mind to anything that finds rest there….music will be made through these moments, these first days, weeks, months…..these will be the first fruits you offer him!
    love ya!

  19. posted on Aug 18, 2008 at 5:25 PM  |  reply

    That is awesome Annie!

  20. posted on Aug 18, 2008 at 11:49 PM  |  reply

    this post gives me 1 reason (and a good one at that) not to blow up churches with those type of signs out front. one in athens does them. here are 3 of their finest:
    “A.T.M. inside: atonement, truth, mission”
    “Athens Best Kept Secret”
    “CH__CH, what’s missing? UR”
    they live another day, thanks to you: )

  21. posted on Aug 19, 2008 at 11:45 AM  |  reply

    Hey Annie–
    Man do I know what you mean. The Great Texas Move of ’08 has been a pretty lonely one. And with the ‘rents off treking the desert there isn’t much to go home to. Your entry was a comfort. Thank goodness for Jesus! (And blogging.)

  22. posted on Aug 19, 2008 at 3:06 PM  |  reply

    oh friend, you are so special!!!

    (and not special in the “special class” sort of way – special as in unique)

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