I am a penny pincher. I am a saver. I’m using the same furniture in my bedroom that I purchased in 1998. I wear clothes from high school because, really, who cares if it says 1996? [All of Nashville, most likely. Trendy-ville that it is.] In fact, I would probably carry the same purse everyday until it fell apart if not for a wee bit of ingrained girly-ness that says a white purse isn’t IDEAL for December. I would rather write my return address than waste a label. I collect “free trials” of NetFlix and use them one after the other. I eat the butt-ends of the bread. I eat entire pitchers of soup just to ensure none goes to waste.
I would have been a fine specimen to behold during The Great Depression. My Victory garden would have been spectacular.
So it has come as a great surprise to see how wasteful I have been here in Nashville.
With my time.
I chalk it up to a lot of factors- the freedom from a 7-3 job [yes, those are teaching hours], the complete lack of responsibility, being SEVERELY exhausted when I arrived in Nashville from a nonstop summer, thus causing a much needed hibernation season. And a big factor lately has been, disappointely enough, homesickness.
It was just easier on Tuesday to lay in my bed with a word document open, not type one word, but spend my time thinking about Marietta. Figuring out why I say I’m “going home” when I leave Marietta and “going home” when I leave Nashville. Sheesh.
Even with this new writing job that does have deadlines, I find myself being a procrastinator, which I hate. I WANT this job. I WANT to do this job well and make a living at it. Yet it seems that I am my own worst enemy and my own strongest discourager.
I talked with my friend Sissy yesterday- she is a singer/songwriter here in town, and I was hoping she could shed some light on my situation. Being that this is my first run at “self-employment”, I thought a seasoned veteran could talk some sense in to me.
“QUIT BEING AN IDIOT! THIS IS YOUR DREAM JOB!”, I wanted her to yell. “You selfish being”, I hoped she would say, “get off your keester and get to work. You should probably go get a real job so you know how good you had it and how much time you have already wasted.”
But she didn’t say any of that. She just told me that yes, this is the hardest part. And there is a learning curve. [Me no likey learning curves.] But that you have to glorify God in your art AND your time.
She said that every type of artist deals with this at some point. That it isn’t easy being your own motivation. [Sure, standing in line in a soup kitchen will give you motivation, but I’m not quite at that point yet. YET.]
I though that doing exactly what I’ve always wanted to do would be motivation enough. Sadly, it’s not. YET.
But after Thanksgiving, I have a plan. Sissy gave me some good thoughts and I’ve turned them in to good plans and things are going to change.
Thank you, Fall 08, for allowing me to relax and rest and chill and be. Thank you for not judging me when I stayed in bed for many-an-hour, and thank you for being patient with me in the Great Move of 08.
But we’re going to have to part ways. The Winter brings something new. Something we common folk like to call DISCIPLINE.
Because this life is a dream come true and I refuse to waste another season.