Wasteful.

on November 21, 2008 in Ze Bloggy Goodness with 13 comments by

I am a penny pincher.  I am a saver. I’m using the same furniture in my bedroom that I purchased in 1998.  I wear clothes from high school because, really, who cares if it says 1996?  [All of Nashville, most likely. Trendy-ville that it is.]  In fact, I would probably carry the same purse everyday until it fell apart if not for a wee bit of ingrained girly-ness that says a white purse isn’t IDEAL for December.  I would rather write my return address than waste a label.  I collect “free trials” of NetFlix and use them one after the other.  I eat the butt-ends of the bread. I eat entire pitchers of soup just to ensure none goes to waste.

I would have been a fine specimen to behold during The Great Depression.  My Victory garden would have been spectacular.

So it has come as a great surprise to see how wasteful I have been here in Nashville.

With my time.

I chalk it up to a lot of factors- the freedom from a 7-3 job [yes, those are teaching hours], the complete lack of responsibility, being SEVERELY exhausted when I arrived in Nashville from a nonstop summer, thus causing a much needed hibernation season.  And a big factor lately has been, disappointely enough, homesickness.

It was just easier on Tuesday to lay in my bed with a word document open, not type one word, but spend my time thinking about Marietta.  Figuring out why I say I’m “going home” when I leave Marietta and “going home” when I leave Nashville.  Sheesh.

Even with this new writing job that does have deadlines, I find myself being a procrastinator, which I hate.  I WANT this job.  I WANT to do this job well and make a living at it.  Yet it seems that I am my own worst enemy and my own strongest discourager.

I talked with my friend Sissy yesterday- she is a singer/songwriter here in town, and I was hoping she could shed some light on my situation.  Being that this is my first run at “self-employment”, I thought a seasoned veteran could talk some sense in to me.

“QUIT BEING AN IDIOT!  THIS IS YOUR DREAM JOB!”, I wanted her to yell.  “You selfish being”, I hoped she would say, “get off your keester and get to work.  You should probably go get a real job so you know how good you had it and how much time you have already wasted.”

But she didn’t say any of that.  She just told me that yes, this is the hardest part.  And there is a learning curve. [Me no likey learning curves.] But that you have to glorify God in your art AND your time.

She said that every type of artist deals with this at some point.  That it isn’t easy being your own motivation.  [Sure, standing in line in a soup kitchen will give you motivation, but I’m not quite at that point yet. YET.]

I though that doing exactly what I’ve always wanted to do would be motivation enough.  Sadly, it’s not.  YET.

But after Thanksgiving, I have a plan.  Sissy gave me some good thoughts and I’ve turned them in to good plans and things are going to change.

Thank you, Fall 08, for allowing me to relax and rest and chill and be.  Thank you for not judging me when I stayed in bed for many-an-hour, and thank you for being patient with me in the Great Move of 08.

But we’re going to have to part ways.  The Winter brings something new.  Something we common folk like to call DISCIPLINE.

Because this life is a dream come true and I refuse to waste another season.

13 comments

  1. Southern Gal
    posted on Nov 21, 2008 at 7:21 PM  |  reply

    Smart girl.

  2. posted on Nov 21, 2008 at 8:12 PM  |  reply

    I can certainly imagine that this would be so difficult. I find that I am oh so good at starting things and then letting them languish once they’re, er, sort of off the ground.

    I can’t even imagine a whole day in which to fill up with things in order to procrastinate. Actually, yes, I can. It’s not pretty.

    Best to you! 😉

  3. posted on Nov 21, 2008 at 10:24 PM  |  reply

    I’ll be praying for you. I know that this will be something that may take some time. I guarantee that God had a plan for this to work out just as it has. Let the time of rest give you strength to move forward!

    You are a blessing to us…..and you are right where He wants you to be!!!

  4. posted on Nov 22, 2008 at 4:46 AM  |  reply

    Good stuff Annie! I don’t know what you are doing in Nashville, but I wanna hear more! Bless ya girl!

  5. posted on Nov 22, 2008 at 10:00 AM  |  reply

    This applies to homeschooling, too. I mean what can be more important than your child’s education…yet, I’ve fallen into this trap.
    Self-discipline is extremely hard, but when it’s conquered, victory is sweet and your accomplishments are even sweeter because you know what it took to get you there.

  6. posted on Nov 22, 2008 at 1:56 PM  |  reply

    Again girl, heroic.

    Behind you all the way and can’t wait to hear about how you soar!

  7. Mandy Mann
    posted on Nov 22, 2008 at 3:30 PM  |  reply

    “wasteful” is not what comes to my mind when i see you with your time….you’ve been connecting, joining groups, seeking GOD…pressing on when its hard, praying…writing…seeking friends..growing in friendships..etc. these things need to happen, and can bear much fruit…even in work form later. Not that that was your goal all along)…..ALSO…i love that GOD has given you a season of rest ( in some ways) REST prepares you for the next season. love ya girl….we head out of town Monday night for a week…maybe i can see you before..if not. After thanksgiving.

  8. posted on Nov 22, 2008 at 8:02 PM  |  reply

    Just read a ton and didnt comment any because i am eating edamame and hey, i got priorities.

    Just wanted to say I love you!!

    And Shep is jealous of Alex.

  9. posted on Nov 23, 2008 at 8:51 AM  |  reply

    i agree with mandy! no wasted time girl.

  10. Barb-a-licious
    posted on Nov 23, 2008 at 1:21 PM  |  reply

    I need more info on this Anya! Maybe you should email me some more wisdom on this topic and what your thoughts and plans are for your return. I need some help myself in this area (although I agree with Mandy and Randel about you being not so much wasteful as awesome). Miss you and hope to visit again soon.

  11. posted on Nov 23, 2008 at 2:57 PM  |  reply

    I needed to hear this- thank you!

  12. posted on Nov 23, 2008 at 8:44 PM  |  reply

    I want to be in your shoes one day, so please share what you learn!

    Praying for God to give you the mind of Christ about all of this. Love, Lee

    P.S. Be sure to come to my blog tomorrow to see my Africa post. I’m kind of excited to be part of something bigger than myself.

  13. posted on Nov 24, 2008 at 12:41 PM  |  reply

    Yeah! Me too! Disciple Winter is coming!
    Hope you’re doing well!
    Much love!

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