Weird storms.

on March 31, 2009 in Ze Bloggy Goodness with 17 comments by

The weather in Nashville is weird today- not exactly cold, but cool. Sporadically severely windy. And ugly, gloomy clouds are passing through the sky with no breaks of sunshine.

I’m kinda grateful for the weather because I too feel weird today. Do you know this feeling?

annie_frightened

I’m scared. I’m concerned. I’m nervous. I’m worried. I’m overwhelmed. I leave at 8am for three weeks in California, one of those weeks being Mt. Hermon Christian Writers Conference. Where I actually have a purpose and a goal and a budding career to think about. And a book. And an agent.

Last night, I sat with some friends that are farther along in their creative careers and asked them how to do this. How to balance humility and confidence. How to have dreams and goals without having unrealistic expectations [slash avoiding getting my heart broken]. How to separate my career from my person when they are so closely linked. How to make choices that put God first, not me.

Balancing all those things feels like this.

basketball

And I don’t think I have room in my luggage to pack all those basketballs. I’m already tired and I haven’t even zipped my suitcase.

One of my new favorite bands is The Alternate Routes, and they have a song called California that says “California, can you hear me now? Sing me a song that I can feel somehow.”

And I need California to sing to me today. I don’t want to leave Nashville. It makes me feel sad. There’s a lot going on in my world here, a lot of fears and insecurities about this trip that are swirling over my head like the clouds just outside the window. And I love my people here.

The sky just started raining big fat tears. I can’t see them, but I can hear them splashed into pieces against the window.

It soothes, for some reason. Writing it all out soothes. Having Betsy sit here beside me while we blog and watch TV makes it better. Knowing that this is part of the battle, part of working out my salvation, part of being a creative adult, it soothes. Having friends that let me sit on their couch and wrestle with this, in frustration and tears, soothes.

Tomorrow I’ll give you a laundry list of how you can pray for me while I’m in California because if there is one thing I ain’t ashamed to do, it’s to let you in the process and tell you how to pray. Cause I don’t know a lot of things, but I KNOW that I can’t do this thing on my own.

For now, I’m making a stop by Fido [to meet a friend who is definitely cool enough to be there] and then I’ll finish packing and spend time with my Nash-family who I won’t be with for the next few weeks.

The rain has stopped. But the soothing continues.

17 comments

  1. posted on Mar 31, 2009 at 4:38 PM  |  reply

    I know I don’t know you but I just wanted to tell you how much I look forward to reading your posts all the time (no pressure. Just kidding.) You have a way with words that I’m confident comes straight from the lips of God to your heart and I just wanted you to know how much God has spoken to me through your writing. You have an amazing talent and I’m excited to see what God does with it. I know it will be good things because, well, it’s God. And you’re definitely one of His. Thanks for being faithful to his calling. You give girls like me a glimpse of hope that He actually knows what he’s doing.

  2. Shannon
    posted on Mar 31, 2009 at 4:49 PM  |  reply

    I would sing for you, but then you WOULDN’T come to California. Can’t wait to see you. Let me know what days I get to see you when you get a chance!

  3. posted on Mar 31, 2009 at 5:03 PM  |  reply

    I’ve felt a little funky lately too…lets be old and totally blame it all on the weather. 😉

    How cool are you now? Can’t wait to follow you to California.

  4. posted on Mar 31, 2009 at 5:28 PM  |  reply

    i hope california is a sweet surprise. my prayer for you is that you would “open wide your heart” and experience all that God has for you here in cali. that you wouldn’t miss a moment of this “book pregnancy,” of the labor, so that the delivery is so sweet!

  5. Face
    posted on Mar 31, 2009 at 6:20 PM  |  reply

    How exciting is it that you ARE gonna miss Nashville???? Praise the Lord!

    We’re leaving next week for 3 weeks in Colorado, so I’m sharing some of your feelings– I trust that it’s gonna be so so good, but still…. 3 weeks is a long time!
    Keep us updated- we’ll be praying.

  6. Laurie
    posted on Mar 31, 2009 at 7:16 PM  |  reply

    I’ll definitely be praying for you. God has already gone before you. I love the way you write. You’re honest, transparent, funny as all get out, and have an authentic faith in Jesus – it shows up so creatively in your writing!

  7. posted on Mar 31, 2009 at 8:11 PM  |  reply

    I feel so shallow.

    I know this was a very deep and moving post, but I was terribly distracted by your hair.

    Simply gorgeous.

    🙂

  8. posted on Mar 31, 2009 at 8:52 PM  |  reply

    CaliFOOOOORNia, can you HEEEeeere me NOWooooOW?

    I LOVE THAT SONG.

    I love that you blogged about that song. I have an inkling that you remembered me and when we talked about that song when you blogged about that song which makes me feel connected to you and makes me feel that much more in love with that song.

    Good luck in California. The nerves you described are the nerves I have felt before leaving on big trips that ended up being the time(s) of my life. I hope the next few weeks are the times of your life.

    Psalm 139 is a wonder for a nervous traveling mood.

  9. posted on Mar 31, 2009 at 8:53 PM  |  reply

    p.s. I totally just blogged about Seth Philpott:
    http://laveedoonfee.blogspot.com/2009/03/plug.html

  10. posted on Mar 31, 2009 at 11:05 PM  |  reply

    awww, now you make me feel sad (like its my fault you are sad).

    please don’t be sad. i promise we will have a blast. and i promise that you will have fun when i’m gone too.

    california is calling your name, girl. i’ll sing you a song tomorrow if you want.

  11. posted on Apr 01, 2009 at 12:29 AM  |  reply

    I echo Kat. Love your hair (remember how worried you were about bangs? ;)) And the pic of the b’balls? Genius.
    We are definitely different about traveling, girl. I can’t get enough of it. Love seeing new places, meeting new people, experiencing new things… I’ve been that way all my life.
    You are smart to talk to your friends about the realities of the future. Things seldom turn out the way we think they will. Sometimes they are better. 🙂 I look forward to hearing about the process.

  12. posted on Apr 01, 2009 at 12:16 PM  |  reply

    Annie, a couple of days ago I blogged about creativity run amuck. You can read my post here.

    http://www.bradhuebert.blogspot.com under “Indulgence.”

  13. posted on Apr 01, 2009 at 12:18 PM  |  reply

    OOPS! MAKE THAT HERE:

    http://bradhuebert.blogspot.com/2009/03/indulgence.html

  14. posted on Apr 01, 2009 at 3:26 PM  |  reply

    I got mentioned on Annie Blogs…CLACK CLACK.

  15. posted on Apr 01, 2009 at 9:14 PM  |  reply

    We’re nice, here in Cali. I promise! I hope you have a really great time. Where are you going to be? Email me.

  16. Mel
    posted on Apr 02, 2009 at 3:31 AM  |  reply

    Oh, I laughed when I saw that face because I think I’m making the same face!

  17. posted on Apr 02, 2009 at 7:10 AM  |  reply

    I’m just going to say that the fear and insecurity you are feeling are NOT from God. Annie I’ll pray for you because I think you are doing great things for God’s kingdom and there is an enemy that is going to try to side track you.

    I think Cali is going to be fun for you and I look forward to hearing all about the writer’s conference.

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