I have a dream.

on April 13, 2009 in Ze Bloggy Goodness with 17 comments by

And before you continue this post, you have to make the conscious choice not to judge me when you read this.

Make the choice.  “I won’t judge Annie right now.”

Thank you. There is such freedom in that.

I have a dream job that I really want. It’s not common- in fact, I don’t know another person on Earth who aspires to this. But to me, when I think about day jobs [also known as “Until-I’m-A-Real-Author-I’ve-Got-To-Find-Other-Ways-To-Pay-The-Bills”], this is the one that I want.

And by “one”, I mean this is the one I want to tack on to the other two part time jobs that I already have (as Nanny McAnnie and at Mocha Club).

Because nothing says starving artist like a bouquet of part time jobs.

My dream job: running the craft section of Wal-Mart.  Specifically, cutting fabric for people.

You said you wouldn’t judge. Listen, if there are two companies thriving in this recession, it’s Wal-Mart and McDonalds and though I do love McDonalds, I think it would really be detrimental to my girlish figure to work there.

If you haven’t seen the craft section at Wal-Mart, you are missing out.  There is a large table with a deep ridge in it, where the fabric cutter [ME!] can slide a pair of scissors, cutting the fabric without having to move the scissor blades, just slide them.

Can you even FATHOM the kinds of stories I would hear?

“I need this cowboy print fabric for a new shirt I’m making Bubba.” [My response: “You are only feeding the stereotype, ma’am.”]

“Could I get 2 yards of white tulle to make my veil?” [My response: “Please buy your veil, it’s your wedding for Pete’s sake. Oh…. your LAST husband’s name was Pete? My apologies. 2 yards, you said? Let’s make it 3. That 3rd one is on the house.”]

“How much black fabric would I need to cover my entire room floor to ceiling?” [My response: “Go home. You’re creepy.”]

See, I would be PERFECT at this job. I’ve prepped for the conversations. What more can Wally-World ask for?

And after I would cut the fabric, then I get to use a scan gun to scan it, type in how many yards, then print out a little sticker to attach to the fabric so they know how much to pay.

Did I mention that I wouldn’t even have to move the scissors? Just slide them?

It all sounds rather heavenly.

I don’t know how, but I just wrote an entire post about how I dream of working at Wal-Mart. My life is a cornucopia of random.

17 comments

  1. ali
    posted on Apr 13, 2009 at 1:40 PM  |  reply

    I worked at JoAnn Fabrics for a summer (I was in my I-want-to-be-a-clothing-designer phase). I never graduated to fabric cutter. But they let me handle the money. Weird.

  2. kathleen
    posted on Apr 13, 2009 at 1:44 PM  |  reply

    fabric cutter is also a dream job for me. I can’t judge you.

  3. posted on Apr 13, 2009 at 1:45 PM  |  reply

    I don’t judge you for this! 🙂 I worked at Archiver’s (a scrapbooking store) twice – once when I need a second job to pay the bills and once when I was laid off and hadn’t found a new job yet. I loved it and sometimes wish I could go back…unfortunately, the budget requires a full-time, less-fun, job these days!

  4. posted on Apr 13, 2009 at 1:47 PM  |  reply

    Oh, Annie, I don’t judge you. But I want to warn you that a lot of Wal-Mart’s are getting rid of this section (my heart is breaking and I don’t even want to tell you how my mom is responding to this end of an era.) You should really be rallying to keep it so you can have your dream job. Oh, and I forgot to click over and tell you I’d be happy to blog about your book when the time comes. Just let me know what you need! Good luck.

  5. posted on Apr 13, 2009 at 1:53 PM  |  reply

    Yes, it is sad. I’ve heard the rumor too that they are getting rid of the fabric. I mourn the day. I should so copy your post. It’s always been my dream job too. Although, just as McDonalds wouldn’t be good for your figure….Wal-Mart fabric dept wouldn’t be good for my budget, or my closet space. But do so LOVE the $1 fabric shelf. 🙂

  6. posted on Apr 13, 2009 at 1:56 PM  |  reply

    If (when) you get that job, please become manager and hire me. Because OH THE FUN of working in the craft section of WalMart. I would also love to work at Michael’s, Hobby Lobby, and/or AC Moore.

  7. Southern Gal
    posted on Apr 13, 2009 at 2:11 PM  |  reply

    And I would so buy fabric from you because you would be conscientious and cut the fabric STRAIGHT and give me a true yard with no wonky sides. And then I could ask you to get those people to order some decent fabric every once in a while. I like that dream.

  8. John Ireland
    posted on Apr 13, 2009 at 2:35 PM  |  reply

    yes, but funny random. reach for the stars, annie, reach for the stars 🙂

  9. posted on Apr 13, 2009 at 3:36 PM  |  reply

    I got a new sewing machine for Christmas from Wam-Lart. After I opened it, I ran to the store (okay, I actually drove) and lo and behold the craft section was gone! Poof! They said they’ll make a party/balloon section out of the space now. Bummer dude.

  10. posted on Apr 13, 2009 at 4:41 PM  |  reply

    I always found it fascinating to cut fabric without actually snipping. Go for it Annie. Cut all that fabric by sliding for all of us who have aspired to do the same thing. I would totally cheer you on.

  11. posted on Apr 13, 2009 at 9:13 PM  |  reply

    I totally get you, girl. I want to be a check-out girl (“cashier” i think is the current proper term) at… anywhere. I used to get to do it at Home Depot sometimes. Love it. Love to push buttons and chat people up for short periods of time (no time for it to get messy).

  12. posted on Apr 13, 2009 at 9:23 PM  |  reply

    I worked at JoAnn’s for spending money when I was a teenaged (aspiring) craft diva. The cutting table was totally my zone.. As was the required conversation with each customer that began with my asking “So what are you making?

    You wouldn’t believe the random things people create, like a ‘Neo’ costume from the Matrix because ‘my girlfriend thought it would be hot’ (yes, true!) and a quilt to be buried in a time capsule.

    Good times. I highly recommend becoming a fabric ninja – just beware of the temptation to buy loads of craft supplies because they’re ON SALE. =)

  13. posted on Apr 13, 2009 at 10:21 PM  |  reply

    i think when considering a job it is important to decide which uniform you would look best in. i’d rather ware wal-marts. i get ribbon there. you better prepare a ribbon sentence.

  14. Amanda
    posted on Apr 13, 2009 at 11:26 PM  |  reply

    I love this post; it made me laugh out loud, but not too loud, since baby’s sleeping 🙂

    Where does the term “Wally-World” come from? I’m in Michigan and have never heard it called that except in blogs from mostly Southern areas. Just curious. Wal-Mart hasn’t been around here for that long.

  15. Debs
    posted on Apr 14, 2009 at 7:42 AM  |  reply

    I loved this post…as you know my son Ryan is also a starving artist…well, actually he works for a rich artist (trust fund dude) while striving toward the dream job of being a documentary director! I so relate…and also my very first job was at a fabric store…it planted seeds of craftiness in me that has bloomed forever! :)….don’t give up..think of all the blog “material” you will get!

  16. posted on Apr 14, 2009 at 10:02 AM  |  reply

    i want to be a greeter at Wally-world!! i think it would be a delicious job!! 😉

  17. posted on Apr 14, 2009 at 10:48 AM  |  reply

    I can honestly say I have never dreamed of being the fabric cutter at Walmart. I buy fabric at Walmart. I cut fabric myself and enjoy it. I just never put the two together.

    But it would be a dream of mine to buy fabric from you at Walmart, Annie! And to have you comment on my fabric choices!

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