In what shall be called “The Oreo Fail of 2009”.

on June 19, 2009 in That's delish. with 24 comments by

I was in such a good mood when I found the recipe for homemade Oreos. A friend of mine is having a birthday party tonight, so I set aside Thursday to bake the night away for the party. Because if there is one thing I don’t [usually] screw up, it’s birthday baked goods. [Now refer back to the title of the post. Sigh…]

Here you can see the ingredients, my dear computer/recipe holder, and Emily, who apparently would rather you not know she was even involved in this debacle. Frankly, I can’t blame her.

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Things started out fine. I was following the directions exactly. Except the part that said “use your mixer”, cause I don’t have one. Maybe that was the problem? Who knows. Without a second thought, I used my hand-held mixer thinking the two machines were interchangeable. And it went fine…

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..until the motor blew up, the spinners quit spinning, and some sound came from the back that scared me. So, after that, it was all by hand. I felt like I worked at the Oreo factory in 1893.

But once the dough was made, we began the baking process. And as sheet after sheet of cookies came out of the oven, it was clear that something was going terribly wrong. Of all those cookies, oh… I don’t know… about 7 of them were edible. SEVEN. Because the rest looked like this.

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Anybody order cookies with burned crispy edges and raw centers? CAUSE I HAVE CLOSE TO 100 OF THEM.

And while we helplessly watched the cookies burn, I made the icing. Again, the mixer was broken, so it was a workout. I’m smiling in this picture not because I’m happy, but more to keep from crying.

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So what happens when you put raw-burned cookies together with not-fully-fluffy icing? This. Yep, that’s supposed to be an Oreo.

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Here’s what I’m thinking in this shot:

#1. “This is humiliating.”

#2. “This is hilarious.”

#3. “What in the WORLD am I going to make for this party?”

Because really, nothing will get me excommunicated from our friend group quicker than showing up with this tray of disappointment.

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Luckily I have all day to come up with a) another dessert and b) a good answer to the question, “What happened to the homemade Oreos you bragged about?”

Lessons learned.

#1. Don’t brag.

#2. Leave Oreo making to the professionals.

Sheesh.

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24 comments

  1. posted on Jun 19, 2009 at 7:28 AM  |  reply

    OH. MY. I have so been there. And “there” is not a good place to be. πŸ™‚

  2. posted on Jun 19, 2009 at 8:03 AM  |  reply

    Annie,
    I have a solution for you! My dear friend, Hannah, is the queen of all things Oreo… and she has this exciting way to eat Oreos… which if done properly is extremely tasty and very funny.

    Here’s what you need:
    Oreos (just plain store bought Oreos. No double stuffed. No generic brands.)
    Milk.
    Metal forks.
    Coffee mugs.

    Here’s what you do:
    1. Make up a story about how you come from the Oreo family and the top secret recipe somehow managed to be mis-relayed to you by your Great Aunt Helga. Thus the Oreo Failure of 2009.

    2. Get out your supplies. Fill mugs with milk. Pass out Oreo’s and forks- no one can start eating until you pass out everything and give the explanation.

    3. Have everyone hold the Oreo by the tip. (Make up precise percentages… this makes the story better.)

    4. Have them drum- not dunk- the Oreo into the milk until it is fully immersed. One the Oreo goes all the way under have them wait 3.2 seconds (count- one, two, three point two) and then fork it out and eat it off the fork.
    You have never in your life had a more delicious Oreo.

    PS. Girls love this, boys think it’s stupid, but that’s just ’cause they are stupid.

    Hope you have fun at your party!

  3. Southern Gal
    posted on Jun 19, 2009 at 8:06 AM  |  reply

    Hmmm. I have a great recipe for you. It’s chocolatey goodness.

    Go here: http://itwasbroughtonbylove.blogspot.com/2009/02/news.html (Scroll to the end of the post for the recipe.)

    It’s a sure fire way to redeem yourself!

  4. posted on Jun 19, 2009 at 8:19 AM  |  reply

    I saw your Tweet about finding a faux Oreo recipe; I was impressed you were going to try to mess with nature.

    Obviously, nature doesn’t take kindly to being messed with.

    If you’re looking for something fun and summery, I’m still drooling over the recipe for S’more Cookies that I found last night in the July issue of MSL’s Everyday Food. I can’t find it online, but I’d be happy to send it to you via e-mail if you’re interested.

  5. posted on Jun 19, 2009 at 8:23 AM  |  reply

    you should totally just buy some oreos and claim those are the ones you made! πŸ™‚

  6. Jennifer
    posted on Jun 19, 2009 at 8:28 AM  |  reply

    Been there…done that. At least you didn’t make a certain someone special a peach pie only to find out that fruit was PEARS and you used sale instead of SUGAR. Not pretty!

    Oh, you have to get a Sil-pat. It’s a silicone mat that goes on your cookie sheets and NOTHING sticks to it. Best cooking invention in a long time. So then, even if you have a faulty recipe…you don’t have to live with it for days cleaning burnt cookies off the pan.
    Love ya girl, we miss you!

  7. posted on Jun 19, 2009 at 8:30 AM  |  reply

    Oh, if you had a stand mixer, I’d recommend making homemade nutter butters, but they’re too much for a hand mixer and impossible to do without electric appliance assistance. In my ridiculous mad dash through recipes yesterday, I found a bunch of yummy looking summery stuff (mostly of the baked goods + fruit variety). Southern Living has a nutter butter banana pudding recipe that also has me very intrigued. And there’s always the one pot + spoon preacher cookies (though, my mom swears if it’s too humid they won’t set up). Good luck!

  8. posted on Jun 19, 2009 at 9:12 AM  |  reply

    Here is my fall-back recipe when everything in my kitchen goes horribly, horribly wrong. People tend not to notice failure as much when you’re shoving peanut butter and chocolate in their face, you know?
    http://www.vitafamiliae.com/?p=761

  9. posted on Jun 19, 2009 at 9:13 AM  |  reply

    You crack me UP! I mean…what would possess you to make homemade Oreos? How could such a thing EVER turn out well??

    Okay. Sorry. Good for you for trying something new! Yeah!

  10. posted on Jun 19, 2009 at 9:13 AM  |  reply

    Oh, that is truly sad. I have had so many recipe mishaps, so I completely empathize.

  11. HaleyElise
    posted on Jun 19, 2009 at 9:48 AM  |  reply

    I’ve got an oreo ball recipe that’ll knock your socks off. Literally. It’s THAT good.

  12. posted on Jun 19, 2009 at 9:52 AM  |  reply

    thomas edison failed like 3 bazillion times before he got a lightbulb that worked, annie! please keep trying to make homemade oreos. my stomach requires sugary sustenance and i’m counting on you to deliver the baked goods. i can’t cook and have zero desire/motivation to learn. i count on people like you to stay alive. me want food!

  13. posted on Jun 19, 2009 at 10:25 AM  |  reply

    Once, as a newlywed, I made my husband a wonderful cheesecake. Except for the part about using SOUR CREAM instead of CREAM CHEESE. I just wasn’t thinking and got them confused. He took one bite and didn’t say a word. He just sat there and waited for me to taste it. When I did,I said, “Oh my gosh! This is awful! What happened???” He just grinned.

  14. Stender
    posted on Jun 19, 2009 at 11:27 AM  |  reply

    Hilarious.
    You’re awesome.

  15. posted on Jun 19, 2009 at 11:52 AM  |  reply

    do they at least taste good? if so, bring em πŸ˜‰

  16. posted on Jun 19, 2009 at 1:53 PM  |  reply

    Just buy some, scrape the word oreo off each one and put them in your own container….no one will ever know!

  17. posted on Jun 19, 2009 at 5:08 PM  |  reply

    I made a coconut flan last friday(I just searched “coconut flan” and then added more vanilla and almond extract to the recipe), super easy, and everyone LOOOVED it. even people who said they weren’t “flan fans”.
    Hope whatever you did came out well.

  18. posted on Jun 19, 2009 at 5:47 PM  |  reply

    I didn’t even know there IS a receipe for oreos! Stinks they didn’t work out, but was the icing at least any good?

  19. posted on Jun 20, 2009 at 2:59 AM  |  reply

    I started laughing when all I had read was the title. You rock.

    You can’t make an Oreo cookie, but here’s a NEWSFLASH! They SELL Oreo cookies in the store now. No, really, it’s true! I saw them myself!

  20. posted on Jun 20, 2009 at 3:05 AM  |  reply

    Oh no, that’s so upsetting when a recipe goes wrong. I made gingerbread men once and they all got completely stuck to the tray and made a huge mess when I tried to get them off.

    If you want delicious and ridiculously easy snacks make these chocolate chip cookies.
    http://www.channel4.com/food/recipes/baking/biscuits/chocolate-chip-cookies-recipe_p_1.html

  21. posted on Jun 20, 2009 at 6:58 AM  |  reply

    Hilarious! My mom mentioned to me last night that she had tried a friend’s homemade oreos and how amazing they were. And I told her your story. She thought it was pretty funny – especially since your experience sounds like my every day cooking/baking experiences πŸ™‚

    Thanks for sharing! Know that you’re not alone πŸ™‚

  22. posted on Jun 22, 2009 at 9:29 AM  |  reply

    I agree with your encouragers ~ keep trying!

    And I recommend stoneware…

  23. posted on Jun 23, 2009 at 10:10 AM  |  reply

    you are braver than me, i wouldn’t have even attempted such a feat!! πŸ˜‰

  24. posted on Sep 01, 2009 at 11:13 AM  |  reply

    […] She’s a writer and I love hearing about what God is doing in her life….and about her adventures in the kitchen. I don’t actually know Annie but she has become precious to me through her blog. Annie’s […]

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