Romans 5:5

on August 7, 2009 in Ze Bloggy Goodness with 36 comments by

I sat on my friends’ back porch last Monday night. And I cried. [What’s new. These people put up with my tears all the time.]

We were talking about my writing life and where that was taking me with God. See, here’s the thing. I love the Lord. A lot. And in the last few months, He’s become more than just best friend, husband, provider, confidant. He’s also become my business partner.

Do you get what I’m saying? This whole freelance writer/trust God to provide financially thang has thrown our relationship into an entirely new arena where we “work” together. And I don’t know how to do this.

So it got weird. I started focusing so much of my prayer life on business stuff and not personal stuff that it started to feel like a work relationship.

I sat on their porch, tears pouring down my cheeks saying, “It just doesn’t feel like He KNOWS me anymore. And it’s all business. God’s Word says He pursues us. And I’m not experiencing that right now.”

Possibly, the next direct quote *may* have been “Does God love me anymore?“. [But that sounds really heretical and un-Christian, so let’s pretend I didn’t question His love for me. Okay? Okay.]

I walked out of their house in pieces, after finally saying out loud the question that I was afraid to admit. But sometimes, I’ve come to see, God reveals a lie I’m hearing and believing and let’s me sit in the sadness for a bit. Kinda leaves my life in shambles and allows me to feel like I have completely lost my way.

Then He bursts onto the scene with truth. Like Superman.

While at SheSpeaks, the (in)courage girls got together and received a few little gifts- one of them being a super cute posy pin by Lindsey. We all pinned them onto our shirts and looked around. Amazingly, each posy pin matched the oufit perfectly. Like, PERFECTLY. So we laughed about it. And then I looked down at mine.

IMG_0699

My jaw dropped. I looked over to Nester and said, “Is this what your posy says?” Nope. It didn’t.

Just mine.

Is. That. Not. Amazing?!?

There’s deeper issue in me regarding this, and trust me- I dealt with some serious conviction about remembering that  God’s love isn’t dependent on my feelings. I closed my eyes later that day and prayed, thanking God for His unfailing love, asking forgiveness for my faithlessness, and prayed that He would increase my faith.

May He increase your faith today, too. And may you hear, as I heard again last weekend, that you are SO LOVED.

Romans 5:5

36 comments

  1. Southern Gal
    posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 6:22 AM  |  reply

    Sort of like the shower curtain incident. Yet this one screamed it out loud, YOU ARE LOVED! How cool, Annie. Praying for you.

  2. posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 6:22 AM  |  reply

    God was so at work in NC that weekend, girl. I had completely taken the enemy’s bait in the weeks leading up to Deeper Still. I mean I was freaked out with doubt that God had really called me to writing for Him. I mean, everything that I knew that I knew was out the window and I was a puddle of confusion and then….God happened. I’m still trying to wrap my brain around what my spirit found last weekend. I’m in tears with excitement over how our faithful Father reminded you of His love. God is simply awesome.

  3. posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 6:58 AM  |  reply

    Beautiful story. Beautiful pin. Beautiful child of God.

  4. posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 7:08 AM  |  reply

    Aww!!! How cool that God wrote you your very own love note on a posy pin.

  5. posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 7:15 AM  |  reply

    Aww, this is beautiful. Love it!

  6. posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 8:07 AM  |  reply

    You have made me cry….like 3 times this morning. I am so proud of you, and can’t wait to see what God has in store for you. It’s gonna be amazing. It’s already amazing, and I can’t wait to see it fully revealed.

    You ARE So Loved!

  7. posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 8:30 AM  |  reply

    What a sweet story, Annie-girl.
    I really miss you, friend. <3

  8. posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 8:35 AM  |  reply

    Awww, isn’t God just like that? Thanks for the encouragement, I needed to read this today.

  9. posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 10:46 AM  |  reply

    I only recently began reading your blog, but it is evident from the first read that you are a gifted writer.

    I remember when I worked as a Youth Director at a church and it felt like God became my business partner as well — I was doing 5 different Bible studies at one time…yet, none were truly for my heart or personal growth. Life got much better when I realized that God {still} loved me so deeply as well…not just the work I was doing or the prayers I offered for my work and as part of my ‘job’.

    Thanks for the reminder of God’s deep love for each of us!

  10. posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 10:59 AM  |  reply

    That’s so cool. You are loved!

  11. posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 11:31 AM  |  reply

    Hi, Annie.

    I only recently began reading your blog and haven’t had a chance to stop by and officially say hi because I’m amidst a move. I just wanted to rejoice with you. And not only that but say I know how strange it is to find ourselves in those dark, lost places sometimes. I always wonder at this mystery of being found when I still seem to get lost. I am so gladdened you were a little found today. It reminds us all that we are, indeed, found. Thank you for sharing.

  12. posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 12:10 PM  |  reply

    🙂 Love it.

  13. posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 1:21 PM  |  reply

    “Then He bursts onto the scene with truth. Like Superman.” I love this Annie–it hits home–thanks so much for sharing so honestly!

  14. posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 1:25 PM  |  reply

    Funny how God speaks to us. I heard a touching story from a friend that has long lingered with me. She was at a real low point in her life and questioning God’s love. All the sudden she looked down her hallway to see a balloon (it came from her son’s room) floating towards her. She saw it was bright yellow with a smiley face, but as it got closer she read the words “Smile God Loves You”. She never questioned after that. Sometime He truly does speak in a still small voice.

  15. posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 1:58 PM  |  reply

    This rocks.

  16. posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 7:05 PM  |  reply

    Such beautiful, true and strong words. You are not alone in your questioning. We’ve all been there.

  17. posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 8:14 PM  |  reply

    oh annie blogs! I love this! I forget what my pin said…now I have to go check, which doesn’t have nearly the impact that your story does so what’s the point really. But still.

  18. amy griffith
    posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 8:56 PM  |  reply

    annie, your honesty is good stuff. He loves your transparency….He loves SO much about you, but HE’S TAKEN with your weakness! in your weakeness HE REALLY IS STRONG and will move in your vulnerability! love ya girl!
    ps. what does thegriffithwindow.blogspot.com have to do to be added to your blogroll?

  19. posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 10:57 PM  |  reply

    Girl, this is incredible. SO encouraging. Thanks for sharing… 🙂

  20. posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 11:00 PM  |  reply

    i never thought of a product of mine touching someone like that! so pleased!

  21. posted on Aug 07, 2009 at 11:10 PM  |  reply

    What a beautiful blog and reminder to us all that we are loved. I think many times us single women who are dating anyone and who don’t have anyone in the wings, often wonder if we are loveable. Each and Everyone of us.

  22. posted on Aug 08, 2009 at 12:05 AM  |  reply

    I LOVE when God gives us special reminders like that! 🙂 how cool.

  23. Janet Houstoun
    posted on Aug 08, 2009 at 4:30 AM  |  reply

    Hi Annie,
    Thanks for this story and I am still reminded of your emotional times in Scotland and these really touched me and the many kids at camp. I often question my love for God and this was a great reminder of God’s unfailing love for me.
    Thanks. Janet

  24. posted on Aug 08, 2009 at 5:30 PM  |  reply

    Okay, I just saw your pic over at InCourage. And I’m thinking… where… where… where did we meet? Do you remember? Maybe a conference… maybe Mount Hermon? Sigh.

  25. posted on Aug 08, 2009 at 10:07 PM  |  reply

    Oh, precious. I am SO glad that God hugged your neck!!! He is mad crazy about you.

    And the business partner thing – well, now, when you go to get your nails done, you’ll have a little more sympathy for that poor Vietnamese woman whose husband owns the place.

    love you.

  26. posted on Aug 09, 2009 at 8:57 PM  |  reply

    Oh sweet, Annie, I have serious chills right now and trust me, the weather has NOTHING to do with it. I love your authentic style in sharing your heart!

  27. posted on Aug 09, 2009 at 9:05 PM  |  reply

    Wow, thanks for the encouragement! I needed to hear this today.

  28. posted on Aug 09, 2009 at 9:06 PM  |  reply

    God is so wow, is He not?

  29. posted on Aug 09, 2009 at 10:20 PM  |  reply

    The Christian life is about response, not initiative. If we initiate, we’re not in a receiving posture—and if we’re not in a receiving posture, we miss what he’s trying to do and be and give. I totally hear you on this one. As a pastor, if God is just my “sermon prep buddy,” I miss out, big time.

  30. posted on Aug 11, 2009 at 9:57 AM  |  reply

    Annie, What a beautiful story! I have no words as the tears roll down my face. You are so loved by God and by those He has placed in your life. What an awesome way to let you know how He feels about you. You are a beautiful flower in Our Lords garden…Blessings and thank you for sharing…

  31. posted on Aug 11, 2009 at 12:25 PM  |  reply

    I often tell myself that we’re not suppose to pick and chose these moments, these affirmations, these calls, and yet, when they chose us, it rocks a soul.Blessings to you, and I’m looking forward to getting to “know” more of you here.

  32. posted on Aug 11, 2009 at 1:59 PM  |  reply

    Awesome, Annie. Don’t you love it when God is obvious?! I wish He was that way with me all the time, because I need it! And this is an amazing affirmation! Love it! And you’ll remember that every time you wear it.

  33. posted on Aug 11, 2009 at 11:16 PM  |  reply

    He sends us just what we need, doesn’t He?

  34. posted on Aug 12, 2009 at 12:27 AM  |  reply

    I have often heard that we have to be the Lord’s hands in doing his work. So great that the message on your posey pin was your answer to prayer! AND we are always looking for more writers at the company I work for!

  35. posted on Aug 20, 2009 at 2:53 PM  |  reply

    God validates us or the Holy Spirit gives us validation when we are on the right track (and/or the wrong track)in our lives and pursuits. Be still and know. I am so thankful for your coming together to create (in)courage. It will be to all who read.

  36. posted on Jan 22, 2010 at 12:30 PM  |  reply

    Found my way to your blog today, it is no longer Aug. but is way into Jan. and I think God wanted me to see this today. There are so many ways God shows His love to us and this has been a focus that the Lord has been showing me since the beginning of the year. I even bought one of Lindsey’s necklaces that says loved. All my life I have heard and thought no one will ever love me. So wearing the necklace is a constant reminder that the lies of the past do not dictate my future, for I am Loved by the greatest power of Love, the love of the Lord.

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