Broken.

on November 2, 2009 in Ze Bloggy Goodness with 31 comments by

I’m broken. For the last few weeks, some small part in me has not been working right. I can’t pinpoint it. But I can tell you that I haven’t felt like myself.

Because this is my blog and not my journal, I’m keeping the details of this to myself. I think I know how I got here. Maybe not. Regardless, its been less-than-fun on the inside.

But here’s the beautiful thing about this whole process: I found ways to get fixed. Solutions that didn’t involve a lot of Christianese and a lot of formulas- “do this and you’ll be fine”, “do these three things and God will make things all better”, etc.

Sometimes I always think that if I work hard enough, I can work my way out of any hurt and pain. If I just do the good things enough, the broken will fix itself. You know what I did instead? I quit caring about what I thought was the *right* thing to do, and I did what my heart wanted to do.

I went to see my family.

I spent time with my best friends.

I read a book that wasn’t bossy.

I listened to five episodes of “This American Life”.

I talked to God. In fact, He fixed me. It wasn’t my doing. But He fixed me by letting me live. Really live.

There’s a lot too this, more details that I am keeping to myself. So maybe all of this doesn’t even make any sense to you. Sorry if that’s the case.

But I guess I just wanted you to know- if you feel like you are the only one who is broken, you aren’t.

These verses have become very important to me in the last 2 days. And I’m grateful that a friend sent it to me at just the right moment.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Habakkuk 3:17-19 (The Message)

Though the cherry trees don’t blossom and the strawberries don’t ripen,
Though the apples are worm-eaten and the wheat fields stunted,
Though the sheep pens are sheepless and the cattle barns empty,
I’m singing joyful praise to God.
I’m turning cartwheels of joy to my Savior God.
Counting on God’s Rule to prevail, I take heart and gain strength.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

There’s nothing like a positive, uplifting, lighthearted post for your Monday morning.

[And that was NOTHING like a positive, uplifting, lighthearted post.] [That joke was so predictable.]

31 comments

  1. jessica
    posted on Nov 02, 2009 at 5:16 AM  |  reply

    i love your vulnerable and honest heart. praying for you today, my friend.

  2. posted on Nov 02, 2009 at 5:55 AM  |  reply

    Praying the Lord will continue to heal that brokenness you’re feeling. I’ve recently been through some hard times myself. Thanks for sharing the verses from your friend.

    Oh, and I read “Peace Like a River”. Oh.my. I loved it. Thank you for the heads up. I got a little feel of “To Kill a Mockingbird” which is one of my all time favorite books. I’m ready for your next recommendation.

  3. posted on Nov 02, 2009 at 7:29 AM  |  reply

    What an awesome surprise to see you Saturday! You should do that monthly. BI-monthly. Enger’s new book is pretty sweet, too. Love you, Annie.

  4. posted on Nov 02, 2009 at 7:54 AM  |  reply

    Honestly, I think it’s more positive, uplifting than you think. You write that there is hope for the broken. In small ways and big, broken is part of the process of healing and living. And since we all go through broken, the reminder that there is hope will always be good news. Thanks for sharing.

  5. Merideth Schoolcraft
    posted on Nov 02, 2009 at 7:57 AM  |  reply

    Your friend Jessica stole my comment! Kidding. She got here first. Thanks Annie for sharing,and reminding us all we aren’t alone. I’m glad you had a good visit home. Praying for you. Love ya. Merideth

  6. posted on Nov 02, 2009 at 8:09 AM  |  reply

    <3 I so get this right now.

  7. ali
    posted on Nov 02, 2009 at 8:17 AM  |  reply

    Beautiful. Honest. Raw.

    Thank you.

  8. Haley
    posted on Nov 02, 2009 at 8:29 AM  |  reply

    I think you should rent a room from Molly so we can have late night meetings every Saturday night. Love to you

  9. posted on Nov 02, 2009 at 9:04 AM  |  reply

    I so relate cause I’m sooo there right now – just not as far along in the “repair” process as you are!! Thank you for sharing your journey!

  10. posted on Nov 02, 2009 at 9:46 AM  |  reply

    Amen, we can’t do it, but He can. Our God supplies all of our needs according to His glorious riches. That means our need is only limited by HIS supply, and HIS supply is limitless! Blogged about this morning, actually. 🙂

  11. jennifer
    posted on Nov 02, 2009 at 10:06 AM  |  reply

    SOOOO good to see you Saturday! Know you are prayed for daily…much love! <3

  12. posted on Nov 02, 2009 at 10:57 AM  |  reply

    annie, i feel ya girl….i feel like that a lot!! more than i think i probably should, but a lot, nonetheless. i think it’s the bipolar, but anyway….i’m glad you let God fix you!! God is good at that, isn’t he?? 🙂 praying for you!! 🙂 take care…

  13. Amy
    posted on Nov 02, 2009 at 11:20 AM  |  reply

    thank you annie, just thank you.

  14. posted on Nov 02, 2009 at 12:28 PM  |  reply

    Thank you for posting this, Annie. There’s something about struggling and feeling broken that can leave us feeling so isolated. *raises hand* I’ve been there. Thanks for the reminder that we are not alone in our brokeness. I hope that God blesses you with His presence this week. (:

  15. posted on Nov 02, 2009 at 1:01 PM  |  reply

    I love your honesty. It takes courage to admit we’re broken and even more courage to reach out to others in the same boat. This is beautiful. Your writing is a beautiful talent that inspires me. <3

    Deb

  16. Tonya
    posted on Nov 02, 2009 at 1:19 PM  |  reply

    Annie, I’ve been broken the past few weeks, too. Thanks for saying it can get better because for me it hasn’t yet, but I keep pursuing the Lord and in HIS time things will heal <3

  17. posted on Nov 02, 2009 at 2:10 PM  |  reply

    I always think I can work my way out of the pain too. But I’m finding that when HE works it out it is SO much better! Plus, I think Emily was right when she commented that this is more uplifting than you think. A great reminder of hope! Praying for you right now.

  18. posted on Nov 02, 2009 at 5:29 PM  |  reply

    A. I’m glad you’re fixed. And B. I like that you called books “bossy.”

  19. 79leslie
    posted on Nov 02, 2009 at 8:46 PM  |  reply

    I share this feeling with you…have for a while now. I also share the need to fix things myself…thank you for sharing and reminding me that the more I am involved, the less God can be!

    xoxo~Les

  20. posted on Nov 02, 2009 at 10:37 PM  |  reply

    I loved it. Thanks for sharing more than just the happy funny moments. I love real and you are real.

  21. Elaine Phillips
    posted on Nov 03, 2009 at 2:06 AM  |  reply

    I’m with BJ. We get it. And I thank you: for being you, for sharing your life, for reminding us there’s hope. Only in brokenness do we find real community; when you’re up you can reach out and touch those around you who are down…and vice versa. Keep listening to your life, Annie. You’re a gem and you shine into our lives in so many prism-like ways.

  22. Molly
    posted on Nov 03, 2009 at 8:23 AM  |  reply

    Your sheets are clean, your towels are folded, and the guest basket is ready for your return!

  23. posted on Nov 03, 2009 at 9:02 PM  |  reply

    broken here too, but pieced back together by Him and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  24. posted on Nov 03, 2009 at 10:30 PM  |  reply

    I’m sorry you are feeling heavy, Annie.
    I wish I could do more than pray that it turns into 100% joy and happiness.
    All my love,
    R

  25. posted on Nov 04, 2009 at 11:22 AM  |  reply

    Came by via BlogHerAds. I hope you’re feeling better by today ( Wednesday). Sometimes you don’t need anyone to say anything at all just listen. I understand that. Those cliche phrases don’t help.

    Blessings,
    Jessica

  26. posted on Nov 04, 2009 at 2:06 PM  |  reply

    Annie, meant to comment earlier. I can relate and thanks for sharing the verses they made me cry..Thanks for sharing so honestly.

  27. posted on Nov 04, 2009 at 3:34 PM  |  reply

    Thanks for sharing so honestly. I especially liked your sentence about “solutions that didn’t involve a lot of Christianese and a lot of formulas.” This has been a difficult year for me and I’m finding that God’s choosing surprising moments to encourage and uplift me (ie: in finding tennis shoes at our church rummage sale and today on the phone with the credit card company).

  28. posted on Nov 05, 2009 at 7:28 PM  |  reply

    Some times I think people believe because we are Christians that we cannot experience these kinds of “broken” times. Part of being Christian should be the ability to be real and say “hey, I’m having a problem.” We are supposed to bear one another’s burdens. Thank you for sharing.

  29. Elaine Phillips
    posted on Nov 09, 2009 at 3:58 PM  |  reply

    I posted above already, Annie, and then unexpectedly shared my own brokenness with my pastor (our mutual friend, BH). It’s good to be in communuty, even when it feels more natural to hide.

    S-l-o-w-l-y I’m sharing my story, my recent weariness of spirit, my current concerns. After reading your post I realised how private I really am. (And I’m a writer. I tell my story all the time. Except when it hurts.) Bizarre, but a friend sent me the Habakkuk 3 verse too!

    So thanks again, Annie. Nice to know your blog makes a difference, eh?

  30. posted on Nov 11, 2009 at 6:42 AM  |  reply

    Annie I always love your honesty and authenticity. Thanks for sharing your heart.

  31. posted on Nov 29, 2009 at 9:55 PM  |  reply

    Its a nice reminder that we are not alone in our feelings…nor are we truly alone in spirit. There is someone to go to with our cares and concerns. He is the only one who can truly heal our broken spirit.

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