Pretty.

on November 11, 2009 in Ze Bloggy Goodness with 25 comments by

First of all, I’m so glad y’all loved hearing about RebaFail2009. You laughed AT me, mainly, but I’m okay with that. Oh, and by the way, Emily is really concerned that you hate her over the whole thing – I told her that you don’t.

Now, on to things of a more serious nature.

It’s come that time again. It happens to me once in a while. So far in Nashville, twice.

I get into a slump. A lot of outside forces [and inside forces] affect the situation, and here are the warning signs:

  1. I bite my nails off. Big time.
  2. I start wearing the same things over and over and over again.
  3. I make a lot of self deprecating jokes.
  4. I eat a truckload of carbs.

Diagnosis: I have forgotten that I am pretty.

Now. I want you to take that the way I mean it. I’m not bragging about my looks by any stretch of the imagination, being all [insert valley girl voice here]:

“Like seriously, I’m so cute, you can NOT even handle it. For real. I am, like, the prettiest girl in our high school and like, I don’t even have to try. Like, some people say ‘pretty’ and I turn around thinking that they are talking to me.”

Yeah, not at all. What I am saying is that it took the Lord years – LITERALLY YEARS – to get my heart to a place where I could look in the mirror and not be sad about what I saw. Younger Annie had some hard times in the self-esteem department, bless her heart.

“Good thing I’m funny.”

That was more my quote.

But that evil-inspired mindset is a thing of the past. Most of the time.

I don’t know why [maybe I do] this old mindset was able to creep it’s way back in, but it did. And I found myself, over the last few weeks, believing lies all over again. And about a week ago, it broke me. Or, better said, it was the straw that broke the camel’s back Annie’s heart.

I’m not all better. But I’m fighting. Which is more than I can say for October Annie. [Or Younger Annie, bless her heart.]

And I’m not really sure why I’m blogging about this- it surely isn’t the sexy stuff the fellas want to read that will get me a date. But on the other hand, I don’t know one. single. girl. on. earth. who hasn’t dealt with ugly days, lies in your head, or tears over your looks. So we might as well talk about it. Cause it’s there.

Sometimes believing truth is a for realz battle.

So because I want to believe truth, and truth needs action, here’s what I’m doing:

  1. I’m remembering that God has made me.
  2. And that He thinks I’m pretty.
  3. I went to Urban Outfitters yesterday and shopped a bit in their $9.99 section. Cause let’s be honest- a new shirt, scarf, and necklace can make all the difference.
  4. I’m taking care of myself. Because just like my robe, my body deserves to be treated well.

And now that things are moving in the right direction, I may get all sorts of crazy and buy some jeggings.

Nah. Probably not. 🙂

25 comments

  1. posted on Nov 11, 2009 at 7:44 AM  |  reply

    When I saw your face out of the blue at fall fest, the first thing into my head was how pretty you looked.

  2. Haley
    posted on Nov 11, 2009 at 8:35 AM  |  reply

    I just almost spit out my coffee at the sight of the jeggings. Not good.

  3. April Roland
    posted on Nov 11, 2009 at 10:12 AM  |  reply

    Praying for you and I both to believe the things God tells us that we are…the promises and proclamations He gives to us in His word!
    “How beautiful you are, my darling, there is no flaw in you!!!!”

    I have a hard time, too! Glad you got some fun things from Urban…great store…

    Much love and lots of empathy and understanding!!!

  4. posted on Nov 11, 2009 at 10:18 AM  |  reply

    I know you’re not fishing, so take this at face value: You are a beee-you-tiful woman, both inside and out.

    THAT is my story, and I’m sticking to it.

  5. Merideth Schoolcraft
    posted on Nov 11, 2009 at 10:34 AM  |  reply

    I wasn’t kidding in a comment to a post a couple of months ago when I said I think we were twins seperated at birth.
    As your friend April said, praying for you and I to see ourselves the way God sees us. And praying for April and the rest of the girls/women who battle this. Especially young girls. As you say, we all struggle with this at some point in life, and young girls are especially sensitive to these lies.
    I can’t see you Annie, in the literal sense of the word. But, I can tell you that you are very pretty in the picture I have of you in my imagination,and it is based on real things. Mostly what I see inside you and what I think of you. You are awesome, beautiful, and some incredible guy will be lucky to have you as his wife one day. Love to you.

  6. Barbalicious
    posted on Nov 11, 2009 at 10:58 AM  |  reply

    Thank you for this Anya. Fall 2009 Jessica has forgotten this as well. The truth can be quite illusive but I pray for us and women all over the world to believe His truth and to be free. And just say no to jeggings- agreed?

  7. posted on Nov 11, 2009 at 11:51 AM  |  reply

    I am so with you on this. Except I say at least I’m smart. You are the apple of His eye and I tell myself that when those feelings hit. Of course it’s monthly for me!

  8. Valerie
    posted on Nov 11, 2009 at 12:41 PM  |  reply

    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go listen to Steven Curtis Chapman’s “Fingerprints of God” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gvf8ZRdO-o
    Go ahead, I’ll wait.
    .
    .
    .
    Having experienced these feelings myself, then watching my niece go through it, and then my own precious daughter – I get where you are coming from. At 47 I still sometimes fight this same battle.

    But I want you to know that although we’ve never met in person, and have only emailed a couple of times, I SEE THE FINGERPRINTS OF GOD all over you.

    If you’re ever in Savannah let me know, and I’ll tell you in person. 😀

    PS – Also, remember whose child you are, and where the evil-inspired mindset originates, ok?

  9. posted on Nov 11, 2009 at 1:01 PM  |  reply

    Oh Annie, I am right there with you. I empathize. It’s a daily battle for me. There are pretty days, and ugly days. And as much as I say “it’s my heart attitude that counts”, sometimes that just doesn’t cut it. It’s the daily reminder that God made me, ME. HE loves me. I AM beautiful in His eyes.

    It bother me that with my friends, I don’t look on the outside. It’s their character, humor, friendship, etc that draw me to them. (Now don’t get me wrong. The minute they start wearing their pants pegged like the ’80s, I will not hesitate to say something!). But I have a hard time accepting that for myself.

    Anyway…I’d like to quote the person who posted prior to me, Valerie, in saying that “But I want you to know that although we’ve never met in person, and have only emailed a couple of times, I SEE THE FINGERPRINTS OF GOD all over you.”

    Love,
    Michelle

  10. posted on Nov 11, 2009 at 1:36 PM  |  reply

    You have such insights into the heart of women. I love this post Annie.

    And I love the way you are finding the pretty called Annie. It’s there girl. It really is.

  11. posted on Nov 11, 2009 at 1:56 PM  |  reply

    I love your honesty Annie, and it is truly such a universal female struggle. Thank you for the reminder that God’s perspective is the cure for our broken mirrors.

  12. Debs
    posted on Nov 11, 2009 at 2:00 PM  |  reply

    Annie…you pop up on my g-mail to chat with and your picture comes up…my first thought is ALWAYS…oh, there’s Annie she is so pretty!and that is just the “outside”…you are prettier than you know…so three words “Own it girl” hugs from Debs!

  13. posted on Nov 11, 2009 at 2:27 PM  |  reply

    I wrote about this just today (scheduled for tonight). It’s amazing how we can go from remembering who God made us to believing the lies about us in such a short time. But we do.

    It makes me glad to know I’m not the only one believing the lies.

  14. posted on Nov 11, 2009 at 2:37 PM  |  reply

    Whatever you do, don’t get the jeggings. And man, have I ever had a few of those days too.

  15. posted on Nov 11, 2009 at 2:38 PM  |  reply

    Ahh yes, confirmation in my feed reader that I’m not alone. And confirmation in the comments that you aren’t either.

  16. posted on Nov 11, 2009 at 3:22 PM  |  reply

    Aww, *hugs* You’re absolutely right, we all have those days, and going to the Lord is the exact right thing to do! 🙂

  17. Tatiana
    posted on Nov 11, 2009 at 10:04 PM  |  reply

    Annie, I LOVE your blog. I have been lurking for a while..I’m just a college gal but I LOVE your blog. Remember that you are indeed beautiful and beloved and that the Lord has carved you from perfection. You are a gorgeous person on the inside and out. Thank you for sharing your talents with us through your writing. God bless!

  18. posted on Nov 12, 2009 at 1:37 AM  |  reply

    Don’t you just wish it wasn’t so hard to believe in truth? I struggle with the same thing sometimes and I just wish that truth would take up residence in my heart and head for good instead of the lies slowing creeping in. My prayer for you right now is that God would speak love over you and write beauty on your heart that you may not just know truth, but believe it fully!

  19. Elaine Phillips
    posted on Nov 12, 2009 at 2:04 AM  |  reply

    Thanks, Annie. (Not sure this counts, ’cause we’ve never met, but you’re gorgeous in your photos!) I, too, see God’s fingerprints all over you–over all of us. Thank you for the reminder that truth needs action. That’s true! Keep fighting, beautiful Annie.

  20. posted on Nov 13, 2009 at 2:24 PM  |  reply

    This couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. Thanks so much for sharing your heart. I needed to read every last word today.

  21. posted on Nov 13, 2009 at 4:22 PM  |  reply

    Annie, I’m so sorry but the Reba thing is funny. I’m late catching up with your blog but sooo well worth the wait. As for pretty, I was called a donkey by a guy at a Nine in Nails/Jane’s Addiction concert in 1990 and I have still not recovered. Why I would allow some cigarette smoking drunk at the Universal Amphitheater define the way I felt about myself for the past 19 years is beyond me. He was probably only there to see Dinosaur Junior, who was the opening act and sucked, anyway. I have to remember God made me how he wanted and if I cant be ok with that, I am telling God he messed up and I certainly don’t want that defiance on my heavenly record. It’s hard and I am so with you!!!!

  22. posted on Nov 13, 2009 at 4:25 PM  |  reply

    PS. I had heard that leggings were the new denim but jeggings?? Wow, you Nashville girls are crazy.

  23. posted on Nov 15, 2009 at 10:59 AM  |  reply

    I love reading anything you’re writing.

  24. posted on Nov 16, 2009 at 10:52 AM  |  reply

    Girl. GIRL. Even though I’m late I found this right on time. You read my journal – the journal of an almost 40 and feeling it girl who totally gets everything you just said.

    You are fabulous and don’t you forget it.

  25. Liz
    posted on Nov 17, 2009 at 7:35 PM  |  reply

    Thank you for that, it’s all so true. I even teared up!

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