The team of Scots that I am working with here is stellar. I didn’t know any of them before arriving, I only know the Americans that lead the ministry team.
The Scots? They. Are. Awesome. I am super-dee-dooper enjoying getting to know them, spending time with them, and building friendships. It’s kinda my way- every personality test I take always returns a screaming result of PEOPLE PERSON! EXTROVERT! TALKS A LOT! LIKES HER PEOPLE! So building friendships and getting to know these people is very energizing to me.[And just for your own personal knowledge, I’d like to share that while I can not speak in a very good Scottish accent, I am constantly thinking in a Scottish accent. It’s weird to have this Scottish girl living inside my head. Very weird. I guess I’m bilingual.]
One of my besties Annie taught me a valuable lesson- a key ingredient in friendship is TIME- there is no replacement for hours clocked. And I don’t have that with these Scottish friends [yet].
The entire team has taken the strength finder test and a couple is here training us on our strengths. On Tuesday night we sat around discussing our top strength. Jon, the trainer dude, would say, “Jack’s top strength is achiever. Do you guys see that in him?” and stories would pour out and heads would nod.
Then it was my turn. [Mine is positivity. I don’t care whether the glass is half full or half empty, I’m just excited about the glass!] Jon said, “Who sees that in Annie?”
Not a peep.
They don’t know me.
They don’t know what makes me laugh or what I wear in the summer or that I drink orange juice with every meal. [One of the guys on the team had it with dinner and I swooned. Sue me.] We haven’t lived many stories together for them to tell. The time factor isn’t a factor here yet.
NONE of this is their fault. Please hear me out. I could not be enjoying these new friendships anymore than I am. I am in hog heaven. I could tell you 10 things I REALLY like about each team member.
But in that moment, when the Scottish crickets were chirping and silence filled my ears, lungs, and heart, I was just reminded of what they don’t know.
When they left, I cried. In a big puddle of sadness and homesickness and “I already went through this with Nashville I don’t think I can do it again” and missing my friends and family and I just kept crying.
I cried as I snuggled into bed and I woke up with tears running down my face before my eyes were even open.
Because, I think for all of us, being known is a big deal. And for me, especially when there is a chance that this could someday be my community, that one moment was heartbreaking.
So I took Wednesday and watched DVDs of Downton Abbey [you must watch- on PBS- do it.] and didn’t pray or read the Bible or think about anything serious.
The tears needed some space and my heart needed a rest.
I guess I tell you this simply to say that even the awesome things can be scary and the scary things can be awesome. Even the brave moments can be outlined in sadness and sad moments can be outlined with courage.
In fact, just telling you about it gives me more courage.
So thanks for listening.
This team is gonna know me. They just don’t know me yet. 🙂