bluemochaRight now, I have a load of clothes in the washer, a load in the dryer, and I’ve got two more to go.

I’m doing what you’ve probably already done this spring- switching out fall/winter clothes for spring/summer clothes, giving away the pieces that I don’t want anymore, packing away what I won’t need until October.

Except for a few of my favorite wintery things.

Next week, in Kenya, the high is 77 degrees and the low is 55 degrees. So a few long-sleeved items will be going along with us for the trip.

. . . . .

I have lots of feelings about next week, about this trip with Mocha Club that will give us all a front row seat to the amazing things going on at New Dawn and the updates to classrooms that YOU GUYS made possible.

Mostly, I’m beyond excited.

But I’m also a little afraid. Timid. Worried.

I’m not afraid of Africa. I’m not worried for my safety of my health. We are in very good hands and a relatively safe environment.

(I’m going to get super open with you here, because I want you know what I’m feeling and processing.)

I don’t feel very pretty in Africa. I’ve been there twice before, and I always feel uncomfortable and a little out sorts. I work hard here at home to fight the lies I hear in my head about my looks and how God made me. I cling to truth and do the things I’ve learned to do to hear God louder than my insecurities. For some reason, when I’m out of my element, out of my systems and schedules, my confidence goes down the tubes.

The challenge in Kenya is that our photographer and videographer will be at every turn, capturing the best (and maybe worst) moments of our trip.

So I will fight the lies in my head during the day, then sit down at night, write about the day right here on the blog, and have to edit and use the pictures and videos from that very day.

I’m scared I’ll feel ugly every day and worried that I will care more about myself than the people I’m there to meet and serve and love and be with.

. . . . .

I know. That’s so selfish and gross.

But it’s where I am and the battle I am feeling.

I cannot wait to see the school. I can’t wait to partner with Nish and teach a few writing workshops to the high schoolers. Lindsay and Jessi are teaching an art class in which I will hopefully be a student. Marisa is leading the trip, and she’s also my first and longest standing Nashville friend, so having a bestie with you is never a bad thing, and the same goes for our video guy, Adam. I love him to pieces. (You remember Adam, right? We had a contest at Sweet Cece’s a few years ago.) And I can’t wait to watch Lizzie, the reader who got a spot on the trip because she donated towards the Purpose Project, see the very thing she helped build.

Other feelings?

I’m excited. I’m proud of us. I’m stressed about getting packed- especially since I’m headed to speak in Spring, Texas this weekend– and making sure I don’t forget anything but also don’t bring too much (which is such a possibility). And I’m asking God to do big things- in me, through us, around us, TO us.

Will you pray for our team, for me, for the students at New Dawn?

And tune in next week… ready or not, we’re going to Kenya, y’all.