I just had to today. Usually, if Haley and Molly don’t want to walk at the mountain, it is a sweet relief to me. But not today. I needed it. I can’t explain it. I left school today so fully frustrated that I could have jumped out of my skin. My brain is so full of thoughts and wonders that it was NO help at all. (Thanks a lot, brain.)
So I grabbed my iPod and headed to the mountain (an entire 2 minute drive). Usually, from the parking lot up the road to the peak is enough fun for me. Just walk to the top lot and then loop around and head back down. But for some reason, I knew the only medicine for my frustration was the trail. It is STEEP. Truly, I hate it. Whenever Mo and Haley suggest it, I smile on the outside, cringe on the inside. But today, it called me. Does that even make sense? That sounds so granola, but at the time, it wasn’t. It was right. I had to walk the trail. And I had to go all the way to the top. No quitting this time.
And I was steppin’ too, buddy. I mean, I was flying by people…. the first 2 tenths of a mile. My brain was in a fight with itself (don’t even ask, just nod) and I needed to walk fast to keep up with the argument.
Then this Bebo Norman song came on the cute green iPod (thanks, Anna!) about 1/2 way up, and I knew I needed 2 things:
1) to listen to the lyrics.
2) to stop and breathe, because my heart was about to beat out of my chest. Who do I think I am? Some marathon runner? Nan Willoughby? Give me a break.
So I did. Here are the lyrics to “Into The Day”:
You could turn a hundred years and never empty all your fears
They’re pouring out like broken words and broken bones
They could fill a thousand pages, be the cry for all the ages
And the song for every soul who stands alone
The ache of life is more than you are able
Hold on love, don’t give up
Don’t close your eyes
The light is breaking through the night
Step out into the day, all the clouds and all the rain are gone
It’s over now
Step out into the sun, for you have only begun to know
What it’s all about
As the hungering dark gives way to the dawn, my love
It’s over now
Time will let the story told grow and grow ‘til it unfolds
In a way that even you cannot ignore
You can say the seasons change but never if you just remain
In a place where the freeze is at your door
What you don’t know is the signs are right for the turning tide
Hold on, hold on
It won’t be long
So hold on
And then I thought, “Was Bebo just in my head for that brain fight or what?!” Because he said what I needed to hear- it’s okay to have fears, it’s okay to feel like things are changing without my permission, it will be alright, because the story is going to end really well, the hard part is over now.
Annie, you’re only BEGINNING to know what this is all about.
And the signs are right for a turning tide.
I walked all the way to the peak. I touched the little marker on the top that Cheryl Cagle says you must touch. I came back down the road, grinning to myself. I’m sure people thought I had lost my mind. But I felt blessed. What I planned as a stress relieving experience, was an encounter with the living God who sees my little life and orders even my iPod so that I know He’s right here.
That is LOVE.
(Disclaimer- sorry these have been so lengthy lately. Glad you made it all the way down here. Give yourself a cookie.)