Ahem.

This blog post is not exactly what you are thinking. Because if you think I would sit and write paragraph after paragraph about bodily function issues…. okay, you’re right. If it was funny enough, I totally would.

But this is a different kind of blockage.

Saturday, after KEYED UP 08 [the incident’s official name now], I was trying to think of any way possible to avoid crying. “Make a list,” I said to myself, “of all the things that have gone wrong since you attempted to leave your house on Friday morning.”

Because nothing will dam the tears like a list of things gone awry.

My goal was to leave my house at 9am Friday morning. I was actually ready about 8:40am. Props to me. And then….

1. The book I wanted to listen to did not download completely. Add ten minutes to departure time.

2. Get in the car to go, plug in iPod to get started, and it is COMPLETELY EMPTY. Ooohh boy. 1293 songs missing somewhere between my sofa and the car. This is getting ridiculous. So I go back in, reload the Pod, and end up leaving at 9:10am.

3. Stop to get gas. Every time I swipe my card is says, “GO SEE ATTENDANT”. Like, four times. He kept saying in his thick accent, “I do not know why it will not let you have the gas-o-line.” I was thinking, “Uh, I know why. Cause today is out of control.” The gas pump finally conceded and gave me my 16 gallons.

4. Around 11:3oam, ye ole tummy began to beg, so I started looking for a Chick-fil-A. No luck. FOR SEVENTY MILES. What kind of America do we live in where one can not find a grilled chicken sandwich with a pickle for SEVENTY MILES?

5. In the seventy miles of desolate chicken-free land, I was behind a huge truck carrying rocks. [I bet you can see where this one is going….] One tiny little pebble flings out of the truck and WHACK! Makes one of those spider cracks in my windshield.

At this point, I said outloud, “Are you freaking KIDDING me?”

6. Danny Garmin. I love him. Don’t get me wrong. But let’s just say that his skill is limited in and around the Charlotte area. I had to call the hotel twice to be able to find it. [Which is totally not surprising for me, just surprising when Danny rides with me.]

7. Last, but surely not least, I present the grand-daddy of them all. KEYED UP 08.

Why do I laugh all this stuff off instead of balling up on the floor, sucking my thumb, and weeping?

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them,
because the One who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

– 1 John 4:4

Oh yeah. That’s why.