Some days lately have been really good.  REALLY good.  And I am grateful.  REALLY grateful. But not everyday.

A few days ago was not so great.  I think, to some extent, this moving, this giving up of my life and my world and my people, its kind of like going through a grieving process.  Roller coaster-y.  [Is that a word?]  And just like a roller coaster, the dips sneak up on you.

I was going along, fine as could be, when suddenly, I didn’t want to make any more friends.  I didn’t want to introduce myself again, tell folks I’m a writer, explain my current project, and try to explain why Nashville.  That one is always a bit tricky.  I just wanted someone to look at me and KNOW me.  Really know me.  I wanted, dare I say “needed”, someone to have a memory involving me.  More than, “Oh yeah, you’re Jason’s friend” or “I met you at so-and-so, right?”.  A real memory.  Like a ha-ha-what-a-great-time-we- had-I-am-so-glad-you-were-there memory.

I lost steam.  I lost motivation.  I lost desire.  I was already tired of being the new girl.  I wondered, for the first time, what it would be like if I just went home.  Just packed it up, thanked God and Nashville for the opportunity, and went home.  For a second, for just a blip on this Annie’s story screen, it didn’t seem worth it.

I know, it’s only been 2 weeks.  But give a sister a break.  I left a REALLY great community.  And my family.  And my life.  And have I mentioned I DON’T DO CHANGE?

So, I was driving home from Kroger, attempting to not use the Garmin.  I was twisting and turning, inside and out.  My car was behaving much like my heart.  Searching for the turn that would actually take me home.  Looking around every corner hoping something would feel familiar.  My heart cried out-

I just don’t like this at all, God.  I’m trying so hard to follow You but it is BREAKING MY HEART.  I’m more discouraged than I’ve been yet.  I want to go home, but I know You have called me here.  I need You to show up for me.

And I looked up and my eyes caught this sign.

I guess all I had to do was ask.