I was in such a good mood when I found the recipe for homemade Oreos. A friend of mine is having a birthday party tonight, so I set aside Thursday to bake the night away for the party. Because if there is one thing I don’t [usually] screw up, it’s birthday baked goods. [Now refer back to the title of the post. Sigh…]

Here you can see the ingredients, my dear computer/recipe holder, and Emily, who apparently would rather you not know she was even involved in this debacle. Frankly, I can’t blame her.

emily_supplies
Things started out fine. I was following the directions exactly. Except the part that said “use your mixer”, cause I don’t have one. Maybe that was the problem? Who knows. Without a second thought, I used my hand-held mixer thinking the two machines were interchangeable. And it went fine…

img_0596

..until the motor blew up, the spinners quit spinning, and some sound came from the back that scared me. So, after that, it was all by hand. I felt like I worked at the Oreo factory in 1893.

But once the dough was made, we began the baking process. And as sheet after sheet of cookies came out of the oven, it was clear that something was going terribly wrong. Of all those cookies, oh… I don’t know… about 7 of them were edible. SEVEN. Because the rest looked like this.

cookies1

Anybody order cookies with burned crispy edges and raw centers? CAUSE I HAVE CLOSE TO 100 OF THEM.

And while we helplessly watched the cookies burn, I made the icing. Again, the mixer was broken, so it was a workout. I’m smiling in this picture not because I’m happy, but more to keep from crying.

img_0603

So what happens when you put raw-burned cookies together with not-fully-fluffy icing? This. Yep, that’s supposed to be an Oreo.

img_0606

Here’s what I’m thinking in this shot:

#1. “This is humiliating.”

#2. “This is hilarious.”

#3. “What in the WORLD am I going to make for this party?”

Because really, nothing will get me excommunicated from our friend group quicker than showing up with this tray of disappointment.

img_0613

Luckily I have all day to come up with a) another dessert and b) a good answer to the question, “What happened to the homemade Oreos you bragged about?”

Lessons learned.

#1. Don’t brag.

#2. Leave Oreo making to the professionals.

Sheesh.