Soundtrack.

on June 16, 2010 in Sounds good to me., Ze Bloggy Goodness with 9 comments by

When I was in New York, I walked. A lot.

And I absolutely slaughtered the battery on my iPhone, whom you know goes by the name Anita. [She’s cute. I like her a lot.]

I really enjoyed the soundtrack idea. Like, as I walked, the songs that played felt like my daily soundtrack. [I always wanted my life to be a television show. Sue me.] And because I’m a few shades of crazy, I have weird personal rules about how much music I keep on my phone [not a lot] and a few albums dominated my trip.

Like:

And Ben Rector was on high high rotation.

I remember standing in Grand Central Station on Friday morning. I was sad the NanoMBA was over, scared of what was next, sorry to end my time as a public transportation commuter. People buzzed around me and I just stopped. I wanted to breathe the moment- take a snapshot in my mind. And Ben sang in my ears,

This isn’t easy.

This isn’t clear.

And you don’t need Jesus til you’re here.

And I’ve thought about those lines a lot in the last few weeks. As I’ve come back from New York and embarked on some new things at Mocha Club, had some good days and some worst ever days, I’ve worried and I’ve celebrated. It’s been a wonderful and horrible month.

You’re welcome.

I walked around my neighborhood and through Hillsboro Village last week, mainly just to get in touch with Commuter Annie. I like her a lot and I wanted to know that she still lived in me- the girl who walks around, music playing, with purpose but not with worry. She was focused in New York, I feel scattered in Nashville. She was quietly confident in New York, I feel tired in Nashville. She was someone I want to be and I feel like someone I don’t like.

Ben came into my ears and I was grateful for the reminder. For that moment, on the corner of Hillsboro and Fairfax, to remember that moment at Track 36 when it didn’t feel easy or clear.

Because here, in Nashville, it still isn’t easy and it still isn’t clear.

I thought I really needed Jesus there in Grand Central.

But the truth is I need Him more today.

9 comments

  1. posted on Jun 16, 2010 at 7:12 AM  |  reply

    Can I just tell you I ADORE Need To Breathe! LOVE them! Every CD they have is amazing!

    And on a serious note: I believe if we come to a time when we don’t “need” Jesus more each day, something isn’t right in our lives. I’ve always been told – “if everything in your world is perfect, maybe you need to work on what your doing for God”. After all, Satan doesn’t have a problem with us if we’re not working for the Kingdom. Annie, you’re working for the Kingdom. You will be rewarded and those “worst days” will be just a stepping stone to the next awesome opportunity God has for you. You’re an inspiration!

  2. posted on Jun 16, 2010 at 7:20 AM  |  reply

    I love that Mat Kearney album, too…it’s often in my rotation. and. I feel a lot like you do most days. I need Jesus.

  3. posted on Jun 16, 2010 at 7:20 AM  |  reply

    Praying for NY Annie and Nashville Annie today. Love.

  4. Lindsay Rossetti
    posted on Jun 16, 2010 at 9:01 AM  |  reply

    Thanks Annie. Maybe that’s a weird thing to write after that post, but it meets me where I am. You’re not alone. I’m saying a prayer for you today. 🙂

  5. posted on Jun 16, 2010 at 10:11 AM  |  reply

    I felt the same way when I came back from NYC last summer and really, I’ve never been the same. God stirred something inside of me, and not that I long to move to the Big City or anything, but I felt a sense of purpose there that disappeared when I came back to Alabama. Thanks for sharing your heart. It echoed mine today.

  6. Ryan
    posted on Jun 16, 2010 at 10:46 AM  |  reply

    so…this post really hit home today for me too! Thank you for your honesty and words, they truly inspire many people. It has been an inspiration to read your blog and experience a bit of “Annies” world. I’m so proud of where you are, who you are, and what you do. Any time you start to question any of that..stop, think back over the past two years..think of the people you did not know before, the places you had not been before, the memories, good and bad times..that are everyday making you..well…you! Your story is GREAT! Keep God first and all the rest just falls into place…

  7. posted on Jun 16, 2010 at 2:54 PM  |  reply

    so true, Annie…I have a feeling as I move to Maryland…I am going to need a lot of Jesus. And good music. Needtobreathe is my favorite, and Ingrid, too. I saw Needtobreathe in concert this spring and it was incredible. Loved it!

    God is good…thanks for the reminders and your great way of saying things…

  8. posted on Jun 16, 2010 at 5:15 PM  |  reply

    Annie, girl, first of all I have a deep and abiding belief that your life WILL one day be a television show. Yes, ma’am.

    Second, I’m praying for you this afternoon…for peace beyond understanding.

    Here’s what’s super-clear to me–you’re an amazing, beautiful, stinkin’ talented woman and I love ya.

    p.s. I think Jesus wants you to move Arkansas. Yes, I’m sure of it. And there’s a house for sale on our block.

  9. posted on Jun 16, 2010 at 8:10 PM  |  reply

    I love NeedtoBreathe too! It’s funny how we can listen to the same song at different points in our lives, yet it still always holds meaning for us at that moment in time.

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