If you would have told me when I was 22 that I would be 30 and single, I wonder what I would have done differently.
Don’t get me wrong- I think God led me and guided me and gave me the most beautiful decade I could have ever wanted.
But. I wonder where my fear held me back. How much more could He have given me if I would have opened my hands to it? I’ll never know.
Let’s be deeply honest: I wonder where my fear of being single forever held me back. I know [like deep in my knower] that there were times that I made choices out of a “what if that keeps me from getting married” mindset.
Here I sit. 30 and single. And I don’t want to be 40 and look back on this decade, whether single or married, and wonder where my fear stopped me from being brave with Jesus.
So. I purchased a plane ticket.
To finally do something I have wanted to do since I was a 19 year old sophomore at the University of Georgia.
I’ll be living in Scotland… for one month.
From January 17 – February 16, I will be living outside of Edinburgh, still working for Mocha Club, hopefully writing some sort of deeply inspiring words, tapping into my creative well as much as possible, and doing ministry with my friends there. And standing on this rock in St. Andrews just because I can and it reminds me of how near and present our God is.
I do not fear what I will miss being away from Nashville for a month- it happens all the time- boys always head on the road with their bands for more than 4 weeks.
I fear what I would miss if I stay.
I’m not leaving Nashville. How could I? My community here is stuck with me, whether they like it or not. I’m not moving away. I’m just embracing an opportunity to live for a bit in a country that has long held my heart.
Why blog about it now? Because I am about to jump out of my skin with excitement and now that I have purchased my flight, I want to tell my friends in Scotland. This is the easiest way.
I can’t wait to spend this much time with my friends on the other side of the Atlantic. It’ll be hard and weird and different and awesome.
And whatever God has planned, I’m not afraid.
I left fear behind at 29.
It just plain doesn’t fit into my schedule at 30.