Monkey bread gone rogue.

on January 31, 2011 in Scotland with 9 comments by

Well.

That was a failure.

Let me say that after experiencing the Haggis meal [made by a BOY none the less], I thought I [a well trained Southern lady] should contribute to our next team meal- Sunday brunch.

What is more American [and easy but awesome] than Monkey Bread?

Just in case you don’t know, Monkey Bread is merely canned biscuits, cut into fourths, dipped in cinnamon sugar, and placed in a bundt pan. Then you pour melted butter and brown sugar over it and bake in the oven.

Simple. Delish. Impossible to mess up. [ay de mi.]

First problem- no bundt pan. I’m creative. I’m 30. I’m a cook. I can adjust. So we’ll use a square pan + a 9×13. No biggie.

Second problem- no canned biscuits in the whole of Scotland. Hey- my Dad has a killer buttermilk biscuit recipe that I have seen him make 100 times if I’ve seen it once. I’ll just do that. Doneski.

Third problem- no buttermilk. Worse things have happened. Add a splash of vinegar to regular milk, my aunt tells me, and you are good to go. Bueno.

Fourth problem- no sifter for the dry ingredients. [some would have taken a hint at this point, but not this ole gal] Ummm, I’ll just drag the fork back and forth through the flour a few times. That’s like sifting, right?

Well. I would not be deterred. So I pressed on through my troubles, like an antebellum lady [Lady Antebellum?] should do. And we made the biscuits.

Leigh Ann and I got to work cutting them and sugaring them.

Then we put them in the pan, because surely this is going to work / those problems weren’t enough to stop me / don’t these biscuits know who my grandmother is?

And according to all visual speculation, these biscuits were obedient to their calling.

But the flavor was found lacking.

The sugar didn’t stick like it was supposed to while the brown sugar and butter mixture didn’t quite travel like it normally does. Newsflash: sifting dry ingredients actually makes a MASSIVE difference in texture. And I’m not going into the buttermilk making business because I’m fairly certain I screwed that up too.

I mean, my sweet Scottish friends ate it. But I think they mainly did that for the same reasons that you may let a child “fix your hair.” [Pity. Plain pity.] Let’s just say I felt like I had made Buddy The Elf’s spaghetti breakfast.

Humility, thy name is Monkey Bread.

And if my return flight wasn’t already booked through Atlanta, I fear Georgia would not let me back in after this biscuit incident.

On a more positive monkey note, please watch this video. As mentioned on facebook, I spent a portion of my Saturday watching this and laughing.

Well. That should make your Monday just fine.

How was your weekend?

9 comments

  1. posted on Jan 31, 2011 at 5:32 AM  |  reply

    Such a hilarious post!! I am always found trying to work my way around the instructions of recipes 😉 Never turns out quite right!!

  2. posted on Jan 31, 2011 at 9:39 AM  |  reply

    I see your monkey bread failure and I raise you one ruined pan. Shortly after we started dating, Andrew’s birthday came along and I decided to get up early, show up at his apartment, and make him breakfast. I was pretty sure I could pull off my grandmother’s Cream of Wheat and he told me how to make monkey bread, his favorite, so I was good to go. Problem was, he didn’t mention a bundt pan. (not that I would have known what that was.) So, while I was turning the cream of wheat into gruel and slicing my fingers instead of strawberries, I very carefully place the individual biscuit pieces on a cookie sheet. Then I drizzled butter over it and put it in the oven. A few minutes later, “what’s that smell?” and SMOKE!!!!!! later, I could be seen harrumphing my way out of the apartment carrying a scorched cookie sheet at arm’s length. I dumped it in my trunk and then went inside to pretend it never happened. Andrew got the story out of my eventually and laughed for days. It’s family legend now.

  3. posted on Jan 31, 2011 at 9:53 AM  |  reply

    Sorry about your monkey bread! 🙁
    Just go buy you some- it’s fairly cheap at the grocery store- you pop it in the microwave for about 2 minutes and it’s all gooey and sweet and Yummy…and EASY! At our grocery store, it’s by the frozen biscuits!

  4. Julie
    posted on Jan 31, 2011 at 11:51 AM  |  reply

    Annie, Thank you for taking a gray, Monday morning and brightening it into a laughing-out-loud sort of day. Loved the {pity, plain pit} part the most.

    Don’t worry, everyone has a funny cooking story!. I was newly married and having never been taught to cook more than scrambled eggs, iced tea and tossed salad, I thought it would nice to have a baked potato. I called my mom to ask the temp. to use on the oven, but she wasn’t home so I called one of her friends to ask her. Well she never let me live that down the fact that I didn’t know how to “bake” potatoes.

  5. posted on Jan 31, 2011 at 1:07 PM  |  reply

    Annie, Praise the Lord I did not come to this blog (again) and see that disgusting gray stomach sitting in a pan. For Pete’s sake… it was just too much!!! The Monkey Bread is far more pleasant to look at regardless of how it tasted!

  6. posted on Jan 31, 2011 at 1:09 PM  |  reply

    I forgot to tell you…

    forget the Monkey Bread and make Paula Dean’s Gorilla Bread. You have never tasted anything so good! Your tastebuds will forever be indebted to me!

  7. posted on Jan 31, 2011 at 5:45 PM  |  reply

    you can deffo get buttermilk at the bigger supermarkets, I got it from Tesco before 🙂

  8. posted on Jan 31, 2011 at 7:48 PM  |  reply

    They look better than the Haggis. I like how adventurous you are.

  9. posted on Feb 01, 2011 at 5:32 PM  |  reply

    Ummmm. I’m glad you are learning over there.

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