The thing about blogging.

on September 14, 2011 in (in)courage, AnnieWrites with 14 comments by

The thing about blogging is that it gives us each a chance to share a few moments of our day with our reader friends.

I love blogging when I get to tell about seeing the Royal family or when I learn a new recipe. I love blogging when, in all honesty, the writing is good and the stories are funny or tug on heart strings. I love blogging and reading blogs for an hour or so a day.

But that leaves another 23 hours.

The thing about blogging is that it is our real lives, it’s just not the FULLNESS of real life….

You can read the rest of this article over at (in)courage today.

. . . . .

On Saturday night I sat on the bus from Princes Street to Morningside and thought long and hard about that article I wrote for (in)courage. It was dark and chilly and windy like a November night in Nashville. I missed my train then missed my bus and I was two hours late getting home.

I thought about the fact that I was missing the (in)courage beach weekend, I was missing Georgia football, I was wondering how things might be different if I was in Nashville.

And I was totally alone. 

It’s not that I hadn’t seen friends all day. I had.

It was a deeper alone than that. It was a going home alone thing. A family-less alone. A man-less alone. A best friend-less alone. A someone who has known me longer than 6 months-less alone.

It was this alone that doesn’t cross my heart very often.

I am totally digging my life in Scotland, you know this. But it doesn’t mean that it is pain-free or sacrifice-free or perfect. It can be hard. Really hard.

[This doesn’t shake my faith, don’t let it shake yours.]

It is hard for me to feel alone. It makes me worry that it is permanent. It makes me feel like I have to be stronger than I want to be. It makes me feel like I am the only one who looks out for me. It makes me wrestle with God and who He is and what it looks like to call Him my home.

And that is something that I normally wouldn’t blog about.

But I am today. Because if I’m going to tell you about praying and pulling weeds and exciting weeks, then I need to tell you about nights alone on the bus.

So the thing about blogging is that it isn’t easy to admit when things don’t feel perfect or awesome. But the thing about blogging [and this being MY blog 🙂] is I get to choose which minutes of my day I share with you, whether that is easy or not.

And today, I’m choosing to share the hard minutes. Hope that’s okay.

. . . . .

Feel free to share your hard minutes or your easy minutes in the comments today… and know you are prayed for.

14 comments

  1. Amy W
    posted on Sep 14, 2011 at 4:16 AM  |  reply

    “A family-less alone. A man-less alone. A best friend-less alone. A someone who has known me longer than 6 months-less alone.”

    I was feeling pretty much the same kind of thing on Monday when I was coming back to Edinburgh after being at home for a week. It was stormy and cold and the bus journey seemed to last forever, and I was coming back to a flat I didn’t want to live in, and a flatmate I’d known less than 2 weeks. Boo. : (
    *hugs* to you. And on behalf of Scotland I’d like to apologise for the non-summer and crummy weather – I swear it wasn’t always like this!!

  2. posted on Sep 14, 2011 at 6:21 AM  |  reply

    Annie, the reason I come back to your blog over and over (and comment way too much) is that you are real. Your blog is real on the good days and the not so good ones. Praying for you.

  3. Gwen
    posted on Sep 14, 2011 at 6:46 AM  |  reply

    I always feel Family-less, man-less, friend-less, and sometimes I wonder if God is with me or not, I am tired of feeling lonely. But life does go on…and God promises to be there with me!

  4. posted on Sep 14, 2011 at 6:56 AM  |  reply

    I do have a husband and kids but let me tell you what it was about your words that hit my heart just right. Your heart was longing for someone that *knows* you and has known you for longer than six months. While I love England so SO much, that’s what I’ve been feeling for a long time but haven’t been able to put into words. Even before we moved here, I was feeling it. Why? Because we move every two years to a new place and while that’s fun and exciting, my heart longs for those who really know me. Those who have known me for a while and are out of that “get to know you honeymoon period where you still aren’t quite sure how much of you to be”. Sorry, I’m rambling now but sister, you spoke to me today. Hugs!!

  5. posted on Sep 14, 2011 at 9:47 AM  |  reply

    Oh, dear. I feel this all the way down to my Toms this morning.

    So true. Love you.

  6. posted on Sep 14, 2011 at 10:12 AM  |  reply

    Yup. My thoughts exactly.

    (Minus the cool Scotland part. I live in South Florida. Not exactly the same vibe. ;))

  7. posted on Sep 14, 2011 at 11:52 AM  |  reply

    I loved this!!! …cant’ wait to read some more! 🙂 I too, am REAL. I sometimes hope it doesn’t scare anyone away, yet I love to see it in others. ;o What’s up with that?
    Hugs,
    From one real blogger to another! 😉
    Corine 😀

  8. posted on Sep 14, 2011 at 2:11 PM  |  reply

    Thank you for sharing your heart, Annie. We all have those moments and it doesn’t in any way diminish that good that’s also going on in our lives.

  9. Katie
    posted on Sep 14, 2011 at 7:37 PM  |  reply

    Oh man, you are dead-on. I’ve been feeling like this for a little while now and just could not find the right words to describe it. Most of my girlfriends have now moved away, and while I love my husband dearly, I miss the people who know me in a way that only girlfriends can.
    (Side note: I just found your blog and love reading it!)

  10. posted on Sep 15, 2011 at 2:06 AM  |  reply

    Oh, Annie. I so know how you are feeling.

    Sometimes I can feel the loneliness coming on like a wave. No one here can really relate to me. I have no shared experiences or commonalities with anyone here before 4 years ago. No one here even gets my jokes!

    UGH!

    It can be so hard! This type of life can be like a life pressure cooker. It brings so much to the surface in such an intense way.

    You have two choices with what to do with that “surface stuff.” You can bury it, pretend it doesn’t exist, and run from God. OR, you can press in to Him. Seek Him in new and deeper ways.

    It looks like you are doing the second. I would encourage you to keep at it! He will meet you!!

  11. posted on Sep 16, 2011 at 10:01 AM  |  reply

    […] Annie Downs writes about blogging in two places: here and here. I love what she says in both […]

  12. posted on Sep 16, 2011 at 4:01 PM  |  reply

    Annie,
    I first read some of your writing on (in)courage .and started reading your blog a few months ago because I felt like “finally, here is a sister in the same place as me.”
    I feel ya, I’ve been there, I am there.
    But He is faithful, and tomorrow is a new day

  13. Theresa
    posted on Sep 18, 2011 at 9:11 PM  |  reply

    Oh, gosh. This has been a bad week for me dealing with being alone, I actually just recently moved to Nashville a few weeks ago. I had to take a job here, and I literally moved to another city and state where I knew no one in on about two weeks’ notice, left over student loan disbursements, and faith. God blessed me with a wonderful job that’s better than I could have imagined and only God could have dreamed up for me; which makes this even harder to be questioning God’s faithfulness to me by making me feel this loneliness. God totally came through with me by even being sent here in the first place, I am just a small town girl who grew up in a trailer park and on food stamps who now lives in a downtown luxury condo and shops at whole foods. I cannot even begin to thank God enough for this opportunity or my gifts that I get to share and put to good use every day. But how can this be good if I am still so lonely? Sadly this shakes my faith every day when I come home to my empty condo. It’s hard, it’s just hard. God is love, God is a loving relationship. Therefore it shakes my faith not to have deep relationships with people. It’s hard to feel God’s presence when there is no one around that really knows you in a deep way, I long for a human to even attempt know me like God does. I know I am not deserving of love like this, but I cry because I feel like I need it and God has yet to send it to me.

  14. Merideth
    posted on Sep 21, 2011 at 9:27 AM  |  reply

    I think it’s more than just people who really know you. It’s also wanting people who know you and love/accept you. You can unfortunatley know someone really well, but that doesn’t mean you are accepting/loving them. Personally, I long for both. To be with people who truely know me,and still love/accept me.

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