This one goes out to all the fellas.

on May 16, 2012 in Dude Stuff with 11 comments by

Here’s the situation. I have some people, you met two of them and there are a few more, that have started checking in on ole AnnieBlogs. In fact, my friend Will just the other day said, “hey, I like your blog thingy you’ve got going on. It’s cool.”

[That’s a paraphrase, but I know he said “blog” and “cool.” I know that.]

And I am worried because these poor guys keep having to hear about glitter and nail polish and being 31 and single and recipes for small group and really all manner of things that don’t matter to dudes.

And I bet there are more of you out there. Ahem, DAD. Ahem, others I do not know.

So.

I told them I would write a post for dudes in my best dude voice.

[I’m sorry and you’re welcome.]

Here goes nothin’.

. . . . .

Yo. [Terrible start] So, like, how are the Clippers and the Lakers and the Kings all going to play in the same arena this weekend? That many teams in the playoffs? LA is sick. [I’m terrible at this] I’m glad I’m not in charge of flipping the Staples Center from ice to court. You know what I would do? Put the wooden floor on top of the ice. Added level of challenge, having the floors freezing cold and all.

I mean, if the Dodgers would put together any kind of season this year, LA might have the sports year of their dreams. They deserve to get pumped about these teams since the Oakland Raiders are the worst.

Speaking of the NFL, wanna be in my fantasy league? Draft will be in the fall. Go ahead and make up an inappropriate but hilarious team name.

You know what’s awesome? Mexican food. Tons of chips. It’s just awesome that you can sit down and order and for like, $8, get piles of meat and cheese and guacamole. I mean, it’s one of the only times I feel totally full. Usually I get home and I’m all, “what’s to eat?” even if I just ate. [Girl Annie isn’t like this at all, but Dude Voice Annie totally is.]

By the way, girls are crazy. [I don’t know how to expound on this because I, for one, am actually crazy. I just know Connor confirmed that Dude Voice Annie should talk about it.]

Also, you know what’s cool? Wearing shorts. Every day.

And.

Fast cars.

And.

Fart jokes.

. . . . .

And scene.

Well, I think that went great, if you are into stereotyping and all.

It actually went horribly. Apparently I am a disaster when I have to talk to boys like I’m a boy. I can handle myself when I’m talking to boys like I am a girl [in fact, I am a girl], but when your brain doesn’t work like a boy [mine does not] then it is hard to talk like one.

. . . . .

For realz, I am going to start making an effort to have some gender neutral posts every blue moon so the fellas don’t always have to suffer through my constant femaleness.

So male readers- are you out there? Will you identify yourself? Tell me what kind of blog posts you want me to write for you. Questions? Comments? Wanna guest post? 

Ladies, you can comment too… what topics should I cover for the dudes?

11 comments

  1. Face
    posted on May 16, 2012 at 8:35 AM  |  reply

    Ridiculous.
    If you put a wooden floor on top of an ice one, the wood would get all mildewed.

    • Annie
      posted on May 16, 2012 at 8:48 AM  |  reply

      (Mel, that’s such a girl thing to say. I mean, you’re probably right, but it would also be REALLY fun to watch for at least one game.)

      You need to ask your boys what I should blog about. 🙂

  2. posted on May 16, 2012 at 8:48 AM  |  reply

    You should know that as I read that entire guy section, the voice in my head was of a girl talking in a lower “guy” voice.

    Guys like funny stuff and competitions. That’s all I’ve got. Guys read my blog, too, but I don’t know why really.

    • Patricia
      posted on May 16, 2012 at 9:26 AM  |  reply

      Maybe it helps them know what to talk about with their wives, sisters, girlfriends, and female co-workers? 🙂

    • Annie
      posted on May 16, 2012 at 9:35 AM  |  reply

      Totally. That’s exactly how I wrote it, by saying it in a deep voice. I’m obviously great at this. 🙂

  3. WBH
    posted on May 16, 2012 at 9:37 AM  |  reply

    First – Annie can Bro-out with the best of em’.
    Second – not every woman is crazy. But the crazy ones aren’t helping the sane one’s out very much.
    Lastly – It’s cool if you want to write to the dudes. I’ll read it either way. It’s great insight.

  4. posted on May 16, 2012 at 9:49 AM  |  reply

    It really did start out terribly… “yo”?! Apparently dude Annie lives as a middle school suburbanite from 1998.

    And I can say that because I used to say that in 1998.

    But then you totally redeemed yourself with talks of Mexican food and girls being crazy.

    Other topics guys enjoy: sports (mentioned), music, some sports, insight into why girls are crazy, deep things, and sports. What other topics am I missing guys?

    2 Legit 2 Quit,

    …adam

  5. posted on May 16, 2012 at 9:59 AM  |  reply

    I’m not a guy, but I do work in arenas, and I just thought you should know that normally when an arena is used as a hockey arena, and a basketball arena, the basketball court does actually go over the ice. They don’t take the ice out, they put a special cover on it, then the court goes on top of that. Taking the ice out normally is only done once or twice a year, it takes days to melt it, and then days to load in the new ice. Here is a time lapse video of the process http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwq1tFc3qI8&feature=related

    Maybe you could occasionally post cool gender neutral or manly youtube videos. Ben Crane the pro golfer has some great ones, the athletes I work with LOVE those.

  6. posted on May 16, 2012 at 10:37 AM  |  reply

    Funny story. I worked the SEC Basketball Tournament in Nashville one year and they actually did put the hard wood floor over the ice, except they put carpet in between. It did, however, make for a very coldish floor, which was also great to walk across shoeless after 10 hours of walking around in heels.

    • posted on May 16, 2012 at 2:20 PM  |  reply

      Yes, this is actually standard operating procedures. It can get get quite cold in those front row seats.

  7. posted on May 16, 2012 at 10:54 AM  |  reply

    Love it, Annie. I enjoy reading your stuff–and not just ’cause I’m your agent and have to. Believe me, you bring a lot of insight for men and women to enjoy equally. And when it gets to glitter and glamour and all that crap (sorry), I know that it will at least help me be more relevant in my cultural conversations with my wife and girls. Now, I think I’ll get FREE chips and salsa by sitting in the bar area of Chili’s. Now that’s a great deal! And as far as fart jokes go, we say “toot” in our home. Lame, I know, but I’ve got girls. 🙂

Join the discussion

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get a sneak peek of Annie’s latest book! Click the link to download two free chapters of Let’s All Be Brave.