The smell of steak.

on August 23, 2012 in Girls of Grace with 20 comments by

So here’s a thing.

At each Girls of Grace event, Chris Wheeler gives an awesome talk about boys versus men, and waiting on the right guy, and he uses the comparison of beef jerky and steak. He tells the girls to “wait for steak.”

And, sorry if I’m ruining this for anyone, but he cooks a steak on stage during the event.

This is an important fact.

It’s a genius move as it fills the room with the scent of cooking meat and does a beautiful job of displaying the core of his message. [I salute you, Chris.]

I speak about two hours after Chris. So last Saturday in Charlotte, around 1pm I headed up to the backstage and waited on our production manager, Peter, to give me a microphone. [Which, I will tell you, is one of my favorite, if not my very favorite, things about Peter. He gives me a microphone whenever I want one. Well, I mean, not whenever. But I bet he would. I’ll test next time and let you know.] I sat my Bible down on a black podium, in the semi-dark, and used my iPhone screen to light my notes to review.

Minutes go by and I pick up said Bible and pen and the leather on my Bible is wet.

Yep. Wet, y’all. Wet.

“That’s weird,” I thought as I looked around, “there’s no water or anything.” And then the iPhone light shone onto my hands and the liquid was B-R-O-W-N.

All my gag reflexes were lined up and ready to party because I was like, “I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I DON’T KNOW, PETER AND ANYONE WHO WILL LISTEN TO MY PANIC. I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT BROWN LIQUID IS ALL OVER MY BIBLE AND HANDS AND INSIDE MY PEN CAP FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING EVER.”

And then, because I am a brave little soldier, I smelled it.

BEEF.

My hands, Bible, and pen all smelled of freshly cooked beef.

In the darkness, I had laid all my belongings into Chris’s steak juice that had, at some point in the morning, drained down from the ledge where the said steak must have sat after it was cooked and the juice flowed into a puddle on the podium. Being that the podium was black, I didn’t see it.

So with zero time to do anything about it, I walked on stage smelling like I just used my paws to massage a well-seasoned cow. And literally everything I had with me had been meat-slimed.

It kinda ruined my life.

I threw away that pen yesterday, because even three days later, it reeks of cooked cattle and as much as I appreciate the reminder to wait for God’s best in my life, I’d rather not smell it.

And that’s all I have to say today. Happy Thursday.

20 comments

  1. ~VA~
    posted on Aug 23, 2012 at 6:18 AM  |  reply

    Annie! I love how you can make any situation hilarious. You are a talented individual! (Not just for a great blog post though…)

    • Annie
      posted on Aug 23, 2012 at 8:42 AM  |  reply

      It was hilarious. I didn’t have to do much. πŸ™‚

  2. posted on Aug 23, 2012 at 6:41 AM  |  reply

    oh this hurts me. I’m laughing so hard. Stop! Stop!

    • Annie
      posted on Aug 23, 2012 at 8:42 AM  |  reply

      You know what, Em? Authors like you and me really life the lifestyles of the rich and famous, don’t we? #yeahright πŸ™‚

  3. posted on Aug 23, 2012 at 6:48 AM  |  reply

    Any chance you guys have an upcoming events in Oklahoma? Would love to take a crew…if not, my wife will take my daughter to the one in Dallas.

    • Annie
      posted on Aug 23, 2012 at 8:43 AM  |  reply

      Hi Chris! Nope- Dallas might be your best bet!

  4. posted on Aug 23, 2012 at 7:15 AM  |  reply

    I love the jerky vs. steak comparison! Thanks for the laugh this morning!

    • Annie
      posted on Aug 23, 2012 at 8:43 AM  |  reply

      You should really try to hear Chris speak sometime- it’s an amazing talk.

  5. posted on Aug 23, 2012 at 8:31 AM  |  reply

    Ummm your welcome? I seriously hate that happened to you…but man did it turn into a hilarious back stage story! One we’ll never forget. You’re such a good sport! Grace and Peace, Chris Wheeler (the guy with the steak)

    • Annie
      posted on Aug 23, 2012 at 8:44 AM  |  reply

      You are not going to convince me for one second that you feel bad at all.

      But to get to travel with you and the rest of the lot, I’ll deal with some meat slime.

  6. Alexandra
    posted on Aug 23, 2012 at 9:08 AM  |  reply

    OH MY GOODNESS!!!! This is so funny, but I bet it was a little horrible to have it happen right before standing up to speak.

    • posted on Aug 23, 2012 at 10:39 AM  |  reply

      Well, it could have been worse. πŸ™‚ I can’t think up a scenario where that is true, but I know that it is true.

  7. posted on Aug 23, 2012 at 10:25 AM  |  reply

    That. Is. Awesome!
    I too would have been a gagging mess! How did you contain yourself on stage??

    • posted on Aug 23, 2012 at 10:40 AM  |  reply

      Sister, once I get in the zone out there, you could launch a steak at my face and it wouldn’t phase me.

      BUT.

      When people don’t laugh at my jokes? That’s what throws me off. πŸ™‚

  8. Angelica
    posted on Aug 23, 2012 at 10:29 AM  |  reply

    This is probably one of the best/funniest things I have ever read!!

    • posted on Aug 23, 2012 at 10:40 AM  |  reply

      It really happened, Ang. It really did.

  9. Carrie K
    posted on Aug 23, 2012 at 11:41 AM  |  reply

    ummm…EWWW…lol! I cant believe you held it together! KUDOS πŸ™‚

    …and now i will always remember to hold out for steak even though i never heard the original message…haahahaa

  10. posted on Aug 23, 2012 at 5:00 PM  |  reply

    Even for a girl who loves her beef (even more than her husband), that sounds pretty disgusting.

    • posted on Aug 23, 2012 at 5:01 PM  |  reply

      I meant that I love beef more than my husband loves beef.
      I prefer my husband to a steak, in case he stumbles across your blog and happens to read this comment.

  11. posted on Aug 24, 2012 at 3:56 PM  |  reply

    What a cool way to illustrate his point, but steak juice? Eeew!

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