What happens when you lose.
For starters, I have one billion pictures I want to post from the KLOVE Awards on Sunday night. I did a few on instagram – my red carpet look, with former UGA football coach and a true hero of mine, Coach Mark Richt, and with my sweet parents who came to Nashville for about 12 hours just to attend the show with me. But more pictures to come, don’t you worry about that.

It was a great experience. Seriously, SO GREAT. I got to meet some amazing artists like Jon Foreman that I LOVE. (That I KLOVE? Ouch. Puns forever.) I got to see tons of bands play that I would pay to see, and I ran into tons of friends from my Girls of Grace days and Nashville friends that I never see because we all travel so much. It was super super fun.

Here is a video from my snapchat of the day- getting ready that morning all the way until I got home from the awards that night.

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Before I tell you how it felt to not win, let me tell you how it felt to be nominated: unbelievable.

Looking For Lovely is such a tiny new baby, just months old. The idea that this book is making an impact in enough lives that it would be noticed by KLOVE absolutely made me smile from ear to ear. I really hoped we would win- it doesn’t change my bank account or my twitter following to have a trophy from KLOVE, but it does get the book in front of a lot of eyes that don’t know me, and that’s important to me. And I love that book. So I love sharing it.

But it didn’t win.

Here’s the thing: Looking For Lovely losing the KLOVE Fan Award wasn’t anywhere near the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced, I didn’t cry or anything. But it’s just a strange feeling. A sad, strange feeling.

I have so so so much newfound respect for the movie stars who have to sit there, with a camera staring them down and an excited smile on their face for the winner, when maybe their heart, like my heart, fell to the floor when another name was called.

I felt sad because losing is terrible, no matter how you slice it.

I felt embarrassed because so many of you, my friends, voted for me and I didn’t want to have to tell you we lost.

I felt disappointed because I got my hopes up that we might win.

It doesn’t change the honor of nomination, it doesn’t change how much I loved the night. It just sucks to lose.

On my flight yesterday, I was reading Proverbs and a verse jumped out at me:

“Even in laughter the heart may ache.” — Proverbs 14:13 (NIV)

Right? Do you ever feel that? So while my heart may ache because Looking For Lovely lost, there was a lot of laughter, too. They can both exist in the same moment. I’m not scared of the mystery of that. I’m really okay with it.

And also? I was in a room absolutely full of losers.

Of the ten-ish awards, there were something like fifty to sixty nominees, and less than ten winners.

SO. MANY. LOSERS.

Hillsong United. Kari Jobe. Rebekah Lyons. Natalie Grant. Coach Richt. MercyMe. Jen Hatmaker. Chris Tomlin.

If that’s who you hang with in the “loser” category, I WILL TAKE IT.

So what happens when you lose a KLOVE Fan Award?

You feel your feelings, but you join a very cool club of people. And you have great memories from a night you’ll never forget.

Thank you, KLOVE. And thank you to all my friends who voted. We’ll get ’em next time.

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