Last Sunday night, Cross Point Downtown campus did something awesome- we had a panel of five adults answering questions on relationships that the students texted in throughout the service. I got to represent all the single ladies and made enough Beyonce jokes to last at least until April.
The variety of questions were insane and as each one popped up on the screen, my brain would think, “please God give us wisdom” as we answered some hard questions and some legitimate concerns. More than once I said, “have mercy”- and not in the Uncle Jesse way. In the sad heart way.
About twenty minutes into the thirty minute session, a question popped on the screen that took my breath away. This is it as best I can remember:
I have this friend who is really pretty and really skinny. All the guys flock to her. I think I’m pretty too but guys aren’t flocking to me. Why don’t I get attention from guys?
My insides shriveled up like a raisin. Nope, I wasn’t taking this one. Sure, it was my EXACT worry my whole life and it is something I still struggle with, but I didn’t answer.
I am a coward.
That poor girl. There I was, sitting on the panel, able to offer her hope in the midst of the situation, and I didn’t do it.
I got in my car an hour later and I cried. Because my insecurities kept me from offering hope. My heart broke then, it’s breaking now as I write.
I am so sorry.
So I want to answer her question today in this post, at the encouragement of my absolutely amazing small group, and pray that somehow that sweet girl will see this. It doesn’t make up for my sin and cowardice, but maybe this will get to her somehow.
. . . . .
Dear Pretty Girl with a Pretty Friend,
If I would have been brave enough to answer your question on Sunday, this is what I would have said. I’m so sorry that you feel this way. It is so uncomfortable and awkward and every time it happens, you get a little reminder from the Devil that you aren’t enough. You wonder what you’ve done wrong and what she’s done right and the truth is nothing.
Pretty Girl, here’s what you need to know- while you are wishing a boy would notice you for your looks, your friend is wishing a boy would notice her for her brains or her jokes. While you are hoping that just one boy will talk to you, she is hoping that just one boy will look at her eyes instead of her boobs. While you are busy looking at the four boys who are ogling your friend, you may be missing that one sweet guy who is carefully observing you.
She hasn’t done anything wrong or right. Neither have you. You are both just living, struggling in your own quiet ways, and hearing lies that will try to polarize you from each other, from God, and from hope. Don’t believe the lies. Celebrate the beauty in her- and remind her how valuable she is to you. Celebrate the beauty in you – and remember that it only takes one.
In the end, you will each be with one. One man will pick you- that’s all it takes. One man will pick her. The numbers will be even and when they are, you will want your heart to be in a good place about it all. Start that now.
And yes- you are pretty. I can tell. You wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t unbelievably true. Cling to what you know and wait patiently with hope. It always pays off. Always.
. . . . .
Dear friends, if you have more answers for this sweet girl, feel free to comment. And pray along with me and my small group for Pretty Girl, and Pretty Friend, and every other girl out there who knows, deep in their knower, exactly how this feels.