I remember when I ran/walked/crawled the half-marathon in March, I knew it was important to take a picture at the turn, at the halfway point. I don’t remember why I knew that, but I did.
[I’m only going to link to the half-marathon post, versus reposting that picture because seriously. A girl has to have some degree of pride in this world.]
I have lived in Edinburgh for 10 weeks. I have about 9 more to go. And as you can imagine, I am a cornucopia of emotion.
I really miss home. I miss the simplicity that America is [for me, an American]. I miss my family and my friends. I miss cheese dip. I miss Nashville. I miss Crosspoint. I love my life in that city.
But I really love it here. I love the climate. I love the public transportation. I love my friends. I love the ministry. I love the £1 and £2 coins. I love my life in this city.
If I’m being gut-level honest, I’m not sure I’m built for this life- the life of a missionary who is learning to live in a completely foreign culture. But, in the same breath, I will say that I’m not sure it matters what “I” think I’m built for.
I don’t want to live in the city where I’m most comfortable or where I love my friends the most or where I love the weather or the coinage. I want to live in the city where my life glorifies CHRIST the most.
I had a long conversation with my Mom about this last night, since there is an opportunity to be here longterm. I talked about the pros and cons and my emotions and my thoughts and when it all comes out in the wash, here is the truth: I don’t know what God’s plan for me is.
I won’t find peace in pros/cons lists. I find peace in God’s plan.
[And we’re only at halfway, so obviously this is TOTALLY worth getting worked up about right now.]
But I just want this blog to be an honest reflection of my life and the honest thing to say at halfway is that I really miss home and I don’t know what my future holds and I love living in Edinburgh.
[I warned you. A cornucopia of confusion.]
I had a dream last night. I’m not saying it was from God, but I’m not saying it wasn’t. It was October and I was in Nashville- I was at Crosspoint talking with Pete and Lyndsay. I saw a calendar that said the date and I knew what was on the Crossroads calendar that day and I was really sad to be missing it.
I don’t think that is God saying that I’m not supposed to be in Nashville longterm, I think what I’m taking away from that dream is that I’m not supposed to be in Nashville in October.
Which is fortunate. Because hi, my name is Annie and I currently live in Edinburgh, Scotland.
And it makes me remember a great quote from Jim Elliot – “wherever you are, be all there.”
So here is my halfway picture that I took yesterday at the Crossroads office.
She’s happy! She’s truly glad to be here! She loves Scotland! Halfway, baby!
And then on the walk home, after getting blown to pieces by wind and rain and shopping for last night’s Crossroads dinner and thinking too much and feeling a bit overwhelmed and strained, I took this picture.
She’s being honest! She’s a little stressed! She’s a little confused! Halfway, baby!
So, while I wait on what God wants me to do next, I choose joy. I choose to fully embrace being here. I choose not to waste a single day wondering [though I may waste moments], but to choose to be all here.
Someday, before we know it, I’ll be on a plane flying back to the land of cheese dip and southern accents, and I will bawl my eyes out and wish for just one more day.
Today is that day.
This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.