I had a realization tonight. There is a chance I might be alone the rest of my life. Now, we can all say the sweet “God has someone hand picked for you” or the classic “The best is worth the wait” and all that is fine. Or my favorite- “That just means that the next one will be better.” Oh, “next one“, you are an elusive man- just when I think I’ve met you, someone informs me to keep looking.
But all those things that people say are just what they hope- they have no proof. There is a real possibility that I will be single forever. Every day that passes is one more day that my theory plays out as truth. And I know you want to say all the kind things that people say to single people like me, and I truly appreciate that. But in your gut, do YOU ever wonder if I’m always going to be the single girl in your life? Do you question if everyone else will keep moving life steps and I’ll stay right here? Probably, and that is okay. Honestly. Because sometimes I secretly wonder that too.
As much as I hope and pray (and some days believe) that God’s best plan for me is marriage, what if I am wrong? I live my life like the chance to be fitted for a white dress is just around the corner; when in reality I need to be trying on khakis for school.
Don’t get me wrong- I’m not discouraged, I have not shed one tear today, I’m not questioning God or His hand on my life. Quite the opposite. He and I are totally rockin’. Maybe I’m just seeing that what I think is best and what I want doesn’t always guarantee the quick delivery of that. And that what we all hope for (because I know you hope with me- thank you) may not be what I get. This is no pity party- this could be reality.
So, where do I go when I’m lonely?
To an Atlanta Hawks game.
To Ghana to see Tatum.
To school. To Starbucks. To the lakehouse. To Kathleen’s house. To a Falcons or UGA football game. To book club. To the Bedingfields. To my parents’ house. To cell group. To see Ma at the nursing home. To the movies. To Scotland on a mission trip. To my favorite chair. To Target to get new khakis.
I go anywhere and everywhere. And I’m okay. Tonight a friend of mine sneezed and I said, “God bless you”. His response? “He already has, and I have no idea why.” I’m so feelin’ that, James! I feel blessed and loved- and when I’m lonely, I go to Him. I go to the throne of God and sit with Him and we work it out.
There is a plan- a good and perfect plan, that He has for my life. And whatever that looks like, whoever that involves, I’ll take it. Because He knows far better what I need than I do. He is all good and all loving and all merciful. His plan is what I want.
But I just need you to know that in 10 years, if my life still looks like this, I knew it might.