I fear a picnic.

on July 27, 2008 in Ze Bloggy Goodness with 17 comments by

I know that’s not normal.

Let me tell you how this happened.

I began to peruse the website of the church I will be attending (at least for now) in Nashville. Because as you may know, I will be moving there next week.

Eeek.

Ok, so I wasn’t super panicked about that. In fact, I was looking around with some confidence. “I can do this,” I thought, “all these things seem rather normal. Children’s ministry. Budget talk. Sure. I can handle all these things. This is gonna be swell.”

Then I saw it.

Two weeks after I arrive. A picnic.

Let me list for you a few reasons that I felt a little throw up come to my mouth when I read that:

1. It’s being held at a park that I have never heard of. Great start.

2. It’s August. Do you know what August feels like outside at 4:30pm?

3. I have what some might call a little sweating problem. Which is not the way I want to be remembered. In August. Outside. At 4:30pm.

4. Who will I talk with? Sit with? Sweat near? Sweat on?

5. You know that moment when you show up at a party? And everyone is talking with other people and you look around for a few seconds to find your people? And it feels pretty awkward just standing there but you know it will end soon because you are just mere seconds from finding your people? Yeah. I don’t have any people.

6. Everyone is supposed to bring kites.

7. I don’t own a kite.

8. Because kites and I don’t have a great history. They tend to do the ole nose dive move when I’m at the string. So that’s even cooler.

9. “Hey y’all. Who’s that girl sweating a lot with her kite stuck nose down in the ground?” That question could totally happen.

10. It’s a potluck picnic. No pressure, Annie, just make it delicious and memorable. And not the same as what someone else makes. And label your tupperware. Unless no one else does. Then don’t.

11. They used four exclamation points when announcing the Church Picnic !!!! Which means everyone is really pumped about it.

12. Did I mention it’s outside? In August?

So my strategy?
1. GO ANYWAYS.
2. Invest in and use a large amount of CertainDri ahead of time.
3. Buy a kite.
4. And practice flying it.
5. Consider it a great opportunity to collect some seriously hilarious blog fodder.
6. Leave the very minute things get terribly awkward. Or the moment right before I start to cry. Whichever comes first.
7. Hope that no one I’ve met in Nashville reads my blog yet so that when the picnic comes, they don’t remind me of this post that I am writing really late at night and proceed to tell other picnickers what a serious sweater I am and how poorly I control a kite.

17 comments

  1. Amy Beth @ Ministry So Fabulous!
    posted on Jul 27, 2008 at 1:20 PM  |  reply

    Annie! We must have been separated at birth! Well, except for the sweating thing… but the kite thing? And the picnic thing? And the tupperware thing? AUGH.

  2. bahava
    posted on Jul 27, 2008 at 3:09 PM  |  reply

    I feel your pain! I’m with you on the sweating part… 🙂 I haven’t flown a kite for a long time so I probably wouldn’t be that great at that either.

  3. Anonymous
    posted on Jul 27, 2008 at 5:26 PM  |  reply

    Narcissistic???

  4. Jennie B
    posted on Jul 27, 2008 at 6:14 PM  |  reply

    $10 bucks says you meet a beautifully handsome man (who has been to the Wild At Heart retreat seven times); he sweeps you off your (albeit sweaty) feet and you ride off with him into the sunset.

    OR – you have fun and get a cool kite in the process. Everybody needs a kite Annie.

  5. Sharliss Jane Arnold
    posted on Jul 27, 2008 at 6:57 PM  |  reply

    Anne, you are going to love love love Nashville. We love Franklin, ok, it is 14 miles outside of Nashville, but all in all it is the same. It’s going to be a great adventure and God is going to bless you socks off. Once you are moved and settled, we want you out for dinner, this is not just an invite, it is “Asking”. Kaye really wants us to get together. See you soon!

  6. AnnieBlogs
    posted on Jul 27, 2008 at 8:09 PM  |  reply

    AB- I know, right?

    Bahava- thanks! Wanna go to the picnic?

    Anon- Maybe a little bit. But more along the lines of I love who God has made me and I think I’m kinda funny. It’s all jokes, Anon. All jokes.

    Jennifer- I’ll take either. 🙂

    Sharliss- this is me accepting. I’ll email y’all when I get there.

  7. Melinda
    posted on Jul 27, 2008 at 11:16 PM  |  reply

    Annie! I love reading your blog – by now, you know this. I seriously need to comment more often. My prayers will definitely be with you during the weeks to come. I’ll think of you whenever I think of moving – which will be daily as I’m leaving Ghana in two weeks. (Well, two weeks from yesterday.)

    I have never lived in America. Or anywhere outside of Africa. This should be fun.

    I actually don’t have a picnic to dread. I have an MK Retreat with 73 other MK’s the first weekend I am in the States. (I am excited about this and at the same time the thought of it makes me want to chew my fingernails… down to the knuckle. (Did I spell that right? I feel like I didn’t. I refuse to go find a spell check or take down the dictionary.)I have a wedding the weekend after that. I pretty much know… the bride. I’m thinking she might be a little busy – I can always talk to the napkins – I am SUPER good at talking to inanimate objects. If I ever get the gumption to write a summary of what I’ll be doing on my blog I’m sure all this and more will pop up there so I’m going to stop here.

    The point is – thanks for letting us into your life. Me and everyone else who reads this. You have made me laugh, think, cry, and feel just a little less alone. (Not that I feel tragically alone or anything – not what I’m trying to say. 🙂 )

    I was asked to make a list of things that will stay the same in preparation for my move.

    “Number 4: Annie will still blog.”

    I can’t find the “e-mail me follow up comments button.”

  8. Melinda
    posted on Jul 27, 2008 at 11:17 PM  |  reply

    Yeah… that box or button I couldn’t find about the follow up comments… Found it!

  9. steve and randel hambrick
    posted on Jul 27, 2008 at 11:58 PM  |  reply

    next week? i’m not ready for this yet…

  10. Sarah Markley
    posted on Jul 28, 2008 at 12:49 AM  |  reply

    SOOOO not narcissistic. Just the funniest person on EARTH!!! Yes, you, Annie!!!

    You will have great fun at the picnic and I can’t wait for the blog.

    At least its Nashville and not New Jersey!

  11. lucy
    posted on Jul 28, 2008 at 2:37 AM  |  reply

    you are my favorite. i actually laughed out loud reading this. i love you and miss you now more than ever. xoxoxooxxoxooxoxo

  12. MyBestKite Guy
    posted on Jul 28, 2008 at 11:06 AM  |  reply

    I’m married and I’m male, so feel a little weird commenting here but … the kite stuff drew me in!

    Take heart from my little Aren – he’s just 2 1/2, and is coping well with the kites I encourage him to fly! If he can do it, anyone can, although having someone select the kite and the weather to fly it in helps…

    Check him out, see some cute video footage at the My Best Kite website. Happy flying, if it transpires at that picnic!

  13. AnnieBlogs
    posted on Jul 28, 2008 at 1:49 PM  |  reply

    Kite guy- don’t feel weird! I’m so glad you commented!! That video was the exact inspiration I need. Thanks! Cute son, by the way!!

  14. debbyweighsin
    posted on Jul 28, 2008 at 2:25 PM  |  reply

    Annie, THAT IS SO FUNNY! And then I linked to your post about not being a pretty sweater and that is even funnier.

    So here’s some things you didn’t worry about:

    Don’t you have to run to get the kite started? I really don’t like running in front of other people. Things besides my feet move around a little too much when I run. And then there’s always the possibility that I might trip and fall, and I always fall in the most ungraceful way.

    So if everyone at the picnic is flying a kite, isn’t there a good possibility that the strings might get tangled mid-air, or even worse, that the kites themselves might collide? And then, being as they are such flimsy things, the kites might just break into little tiny pieces up there in the air, causing some little boy to start crying and pointing at you and saying, “Mommy, that sweaty lady over there who has only been to our church twice broke my kite.”

    Well, that’s what I’d be worrying about. (LOL)

    LOVE YOUR BLOG, ANNIE!

  15. AnnieBlogs
    posted on Jul 28, 2008 at 4:44 PM  |  reply

    Debby- you are so right. I laughed outloud. Thanks for your sweet comment.

  16. ManUtd17
    posted on Jul 28, 2008 at 9:45 PM  |  reply

    When I was 8, I had to make a kite for Cub Scouts. Don’t ask me why. Suffice it to say I won the Charlie Brown Award.

    Kites are overrated.

  17. Mel
    posted on Jul 29, 2008 at 12:35 AM  |  reply

    I have an intense hatred of kites.

    And social events with strangers.

    Oh, and I sweat, too. There’s a reason I live in the Pacific Northwest, land of low humidity (unless it’s raining but that’s different).

    Mel

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