Greatest Hits: A Letter To A Pretty Girl

on July 25, 2012 in Greatest Hits with 4 comments by

This experience, in February of this year, has had a profound effect on me. While it remains one of the most disappointingly public display of my cowardice, it has also brought many hope. I’m grateful for how God takes our ugly and uses it for good. Sadly, we never found out who the girl was.

. . . . .

Last Sunday night, Cross Point Downtown campus did something awesome- we had a panel of five adults answering questions on relationships that the students texted in throughout the service. I got to represent all the single ladies and made enough Beyonce jokes to last at least until April.

The variety of questions were insane and as each one popped up on the screen, my brain would think, “please God give us wisdom” as we answered some hard questions and some legitimate concerns. More than once I said, “have mercy”- and not in the Uncle Jesse way. In the sad heart way.

About twenty minutes into the thirty minute session, a question popped on the screen that took my breath away. This is it as best I can remember:

I have this friend who is really pretty and really skinny. All the guys flock to her. I think I’m pretty too but guys aren’t flocking to me. Why don’t I get attention from guys?

My insides shriveled up like a raisin. Nope, I wasn’t taking this one. Sure, it was my EXACT worry my whole life and it is something I still struggle with, but I didn’t answer.

I am a coward.

That poor girl. There I was, sitting on the panel, able to offer her hope in the midst of the situation, and I didn’t do it.

I got in my car an hour later and I cried. Because my insecurities kept me from offering hope. My heart broke then, it’s breaking now as I write.

I am so sorry.

So I want to answer her question today in this post, at the encouragement of my absolutely amazing small group, and pray that somehow that sweet girl will see this. It doesn’t make up for my sin and cowardice, but maybe this will get to her somehow.

. . . . .

Dear Pretty Girl with a Pretty Friend,

If I would have been brave enough to answer your question on Sunday, this is what I would have said. I’m so sorry that you feel this way. It is so uncomfortable and awkward and every time it happens, you get a little reminder from the Devil that you aren’t enough. You wonder what you’ve done wrong and what she’s done right and the truth is nothing.

Pretty Girl, here’s what you need to know- while you are wishing a boy would notice you for your looks, your friend is wishing a boy would notice her for her brains or her jokes. While you are hoping that just one boy will talk to you, she is hoping that just one boy will look at her eyes instead of her boobs. While you are busy looking at the four boys who are ogling your friend, you may be missing that one sweet guy who is carefully observing you.

She hasn’t done anything wrong or right. Neither have you. You are both just living, struggling in your own quiet ways, and hearing lies that will try to polarize you from each other, from God, and from hope. Don’t believe the lies. Celebrate the beauty in her- and remind her how valuable she is to you. Celebrate the beauty in you – and remember that it only takes one.

In the end, you will each be with one. One man will pick you- that’s all it takes. One man will pick her. The numbers will be even and when they are, you will want your heart to be in a good place about it all. Start that now.

And yes- you are pretty. I can tell. You wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t unbelievably true. Cling to what you know and wait patiently with hope. It always pays off. Always.

. . . . .

Dear friends, if you have more answers for this sweet girl, feel free to comment. And pray along with me and my small group for Pretty Girl, and Pretty Friend, and every other girl out there who knows, deep in their knower, exactly how this feels.


  1. Mallory
    posted on Jul 25, 2012 at 8:54 AM  |  reply

    The first time I read this blog post it was so beautiful to me. The second time? Still beautiful. You are such a great advocate for these pretty girls. You offer great godly advice for them. You offer a safe place, even if only in the blogosphere, for them to come to hear the truth.
    So thank you for being Annie. Thank you for being Annieblogs. Thank you for letting Christ write through you.
    Praying for you and your ministry to the pretty girls.

  2. posted on Jul 25, 2012 at 2:27 PM  |  reply

    Beautiful. Thanks Annie <3

  3. posted on Jul 28, 2012 at 3:38 PM  |  reply

    I really love this. I’m a fan. A big fan.

  4. posted on Aug 08, 2012 at 4:22 AM  |  reply

    You forgot to mention that most boys are dopes at that age but not all. there will be a decent boy looking at her and wondering if he’s good enough to talk to someone so pretty and struggling with his own insecurities. Most boys are looking at the male equivalent of her skinny, pretty friend and thinking that if only they looked like that girls would flock to them. Most boys are wondering how they can talk to a girl without looking like a complete fool, most boys have the same questions you have and just need a girl to meet them half way. And those male insecurities don’t change. I only got up the nerve to ask my wife of 13 years out on a first date after she did most of the work for me and made it fairly obvious she would like me to ask.

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