Fan mail.

Someone emailed me last week complaining about the lack of daily blogs. So sue me for being popular. My friend James (who is a serious famous person) says it’s “the burden of being a big deal”. Don’t I know it.

(I’m totally kidding here. Sometimes I forget that y’all don’t all know me personally so you may think I’m literally this into myself. I’m not. I’m not self-absorbed. I’m funny. It’s 2 totally different things.)

But in the previously mentioned email, my friend (we’ll just call her “J-Lo” for privacy reasons…okay, fine, it really is Jennifer Lopez) gave me a list of things she’s like to see me blog about. So I will address those here to the best of my ability. Italics are her words, regular print are my responses.

ideas to write about…

why Rosie should not take over the Price Is Right…

Because Bob Barker always wears a suit and I think Rosie would look silly in a suit. Also, she might fight someone. And that would not be right. (Though I would really like to see her reenact the scene from the classic film Billy Madison where Bob Barker, here played by Rosie, fights Adam Sandler. “The price is wrong, [cuss word]!”)

On the other hand, I think she would really get excited if someone won- which might lead her to cheat. That would not be right either….unless I was playing.

all the different reasons the chicken crossed the road…

It’s a complicated story involving 4 orange cones and a confused rent-a-cop at the mall, but let’s just say Chick-fil-A got some free product that day. Deep frying removes all tire marks on meat- did you know that?

how many packing peanuts it would take to fill your sofa if all the stuffing were pulled out…

42, 505. And now I’m pissed at the mess I made in the living room. As IF I have time to clean that up right now. Gah. And I think I may get arrested for taking all those boxes off my neighbor’s porch and opening them to get the peanuts.

all the reasons we should put prayer back in public schools…(and mandatory uniforms)

We need prayer back in school because so many kids live in homes where they aren’t loved or taken care of and if we could give them 5 seconds to connect with a Father who loves them, we would be creating a different world. They would have somewhere they felt safe that was bigger than our classroom- they could feel safe when they close their eyes and say, “Papa, where are You?” and He would answer “Right here”.

We need mandatory uniforms because we don’t have prayer in schools. These kids “truth” is what they see on TV and that decides for them who they want to be- “this is what I need to look like, dress like, etc. to be worthy of love”. So 4th graders show up in outfits that would make my grandmother blush. Heck, they make me blush sometimes. What they choose for themselves, in general (not every kid), is inappropriate for an educational setting.

(If they could pray in school, and grow a relationship there, God would tell them who they are. And they would dress in a way that says, “I was bought at a costly price. I am worth MUCH to my God. I am a treasure.”)

But since they can’t pray, let’s just give them khakis and a blue shirt, put them on level playing ground with each other- no matter size or shape or income.

And pray for them, until one day when they can pray for themselves, God willing.

what is ‘truth’…and is there really ever truth…because things are constantly changing…if something is true today, there is a good chance it won’t be true tomorrow…

I am so not smart enough to answer this in a way that would convince you that I am right. But I will tell you what I believe. Our world is polluted and broken and dark and it makes it hard to recognize truth- I know that. But God is truth. God’s love is truth. Jesus is truth. Because of what Jesus did on that cross, and by His resurrection, we now can find truth if we seek it. The Bible is truth. Every last word of it. One of my favorite verses says that Jesus is the same yesterday and today and tomorrow. You’re right- not only is there a “good chance” all other things will change, I promise they will. Not Him. The only compass, your and my own TRUE north, is God. Set your heart on Him- and your eyes- and you’ll see that He doesn’t change. He’s in the business of showing us that He is true and trustworthy. It won’t stress Him out to ask Him to do that for you. I’m asking for you, too.

J-Lo, let’s hope some of my well educated friends chime in through comments and help a sister out with this one. I think I got the sofa question under control, but I know thoughts on truth are a dime a dozen in this blogosphere. So bring it, folks.

And sorry about how things ended with Ben Affleck. But congrats on Marc Anthony- y’all look real happy together.

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