To be.

on April 27, 2008 in Ze Bloggy Goodness with 6 comments by

Y’all love you some blog videos. Gee whiz. It’s so weird. You know I’m just a dork with a camera, right? You could do it too.

On to the real post…..

I have been doing a little fast. Details aren’t important. If you want details- go with these. I haven’t eaten anything solid in 49 days and I’ve only been drinking 6 oz. of water a day. These details are no where near true, but if you want “details”, there they are.

The fast was more medical than spiritual, but if you think I’m going to waste a fast and not pray it up, you don’t know me too well. So I killed 2 birds with one hungry stone. 🙂

On the first night, I was in the car driving back from Beth Moore Bible Study. I was saying to the Lord all the things I wanted out of the fast. I want to have this, and have this, and have this work out, have this start, have this stop, have have have have.

Which is usually fine for a fast, honestly. That is what you are doing in a fast- asking God in desperate measure to meet a need.

I stopped. A sermon I had heard at Buckhead Church flashed back to my mind. The pastor said, “Don’t ask ‘what do I want to have?‘, ask ‘who do I want to be?‘”. (You can hear it HERE– it’s called “The One Thing”.)

Who do I want to be?

And for the rest of the fast, my prayers changed. Because I knew this fast had instantly changed from me receiving to me becoming.

My circumstances weren’t in need of repair. He has those well taken care of.

I am what needed to be repaired. This fast was about ME and who I want to be. And who God wants me to be.

I want to be a great leader for our Scotland team- the kind who seeks God, is brave, and draws my team members closer to Him.

I want to be a healthy person who honors God with my body and my eating.

I want to be a good writer. One who influences people in a way that leads them to God. That calls them deeper in relationship.

I want to be a solid friend.

I want to be a good daughter. Good sister. Good family member in general.

So this was not about fasting so that God will GIVE me.

It’s fasting so that God will CHANGE me, MAKE me, TRANSFORM me.

It’s not what I want to have, it’s who I want to be.

I feel like I’ve been given a chance to be me- a new, improved me. A deeper walk with God me.

And even yesterday, I was given the chance to display who I had become, thanks to the fast. It felt good. Real good. And strong. A strength that doesn’t come for a #4 combo from Chick-fil-A with a large Diet Dr. Pepper. A strength that comes from the core. From the center of who I am.

I think this is the start of something really beautiful between me and the Lord. Because it’s no longer going to be about what God will give me– He’s a giver, that’s what He does. He will always give according to His will- so I can quit worrying about that.

Instead, my new focus is what I do with what He’s given. And who I am before, during, and after.

You know what you want to have.

But who do you want to be?

6 comments

  1. Boggsy
    posted on Apr 27, 2008 at 3:30 AM  |  reply

    Great words my friend and an even greater revelation! I love it when God gives us that. You ARE a strong Scotland leader and I’m glad I’m helping lead with you…

  2. Writeaway
    posted on Apr 28, 2008 at 1:51 AM  |  reply

    Or as Mark Nysewander preached this morning… I want to BE full of hope.

  3. Sarah Markley
    posted on Apr 28, 2008 at 3:44 AM  |  reply

    I want to be a better writer too. I want to be a better mother and a better wife. I want to be a good friend. I want to be content with exactly where God has put me.

  4. Jonathan
    posted on Apr 28, 2008 at 5:30 PM  |  reply

    amy here:
    annie, all the uncertainties of moving and not knowing what’s next and putting yourself out there and have brought you to this new place, a new fast, something youve never “done.” this is just the beginning of all the new things to come as you continue to throw caution to the wind (the same annie i know and love?) and chase Him, counting the cost and KNOWING in that deep place that YES, ITS ALL WORTH IT!

  5. Anonymous
    posted on Apr 29, 2008 at 1:31 AM  |  reply

    Reading posts like this makes me really wish I had had more opportunities to be around you. You inspire me with your wisdom, focus and humor. What an awesome combination of characteristics! Can’t wait to hang out at camp!
    Veda

  6. melissa
    posted on Apr 29, 2008 at 2:02 AM  |  reply

    So here’s a funny story:
    I thought I was reading your blog when I read these words:
    “Today, my great-grandmother, Autie Mae Frederick Walker, is 101 years old!…. ” There was a precious picture included of a precious 101-year-old woman and a precious story about this lady celebrating her birthday with a chalupa from Taco Bell.
    [Given all that,you can see why I’d be confused… you would post something like that, am I wrong?!]
    SO-I went to the comments link and to say something about this old lady looking like Tatum (bc I really think she does!] when I suddenly thought “Why does Annie have a picture of Meredith’s baby on her blog?!” and, then, realized my error.
    But isn’t it hilarious that I convinced myself that this 101-year-old Autie Mae was related to you and, even better, resembled Tatum?!?!
    HA!

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