Captain Avoidance

on December 12, 2008 in Ze Bloggy Goodness with 13 comments by

Have you ever found yourself avoiding?

Things?
People?
Responsibilities?
God?

Yeah, me too.

I have a pile of clean laundry that has been sitting in my laundry basket since last Friday.  [That will not be the sentence that gets me a marriage proposal anytime soon.] I haven’t been to the grocery store in a week or so, and to be honest, Multi-grain cheerios are awesome, but they are WAY MORE AWESOME with milk.

But it seems that all the areas of my life intertwine like cooked spaghetti. If I’m avoiding in one area, I’m avoiding in other areas. I haven’t called my parents today (which is out of the ordinary), I’m not sitting down and journaling, I’m not calling my bfries from home.

All acts of avoidance.

I haven’t done something bad. I promise. I mean, I have. I’m a sinner. But I’m not, like, eluding the police or anything.  [Speaking of police, GREAT STORIES! Coming Monday, why Annie fears police mucho. It’s a ridiculous set of stories.]

I’m just avoiding opinions.  My friends’, family’s, my own, even God’s.

Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you just DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT PEOPLE THINK? It’s rare for me, but I’m there today.

I have this perpetual problem of sharing WAY TOO MUCH information with anyone who will slow down long enough for me to get my thoughts out.  It’s a great trait to have- everyone knows all my secrets and I’m ridiculously transparent with my friends and family.  And ridiculously vulnerable.  To opinions.  And traitors.  And opinions (did I mention that?).

I also like soliciting advice.  If I’m in a situation where I don’t know what to do, I want to call everyone I’ve ever known and get their thoughts.  Then I will put them all together and go with the choice that has the most votes.

[Co-dependent? Indecisive? Maybe a bit strange? Sure. Whichever you prefer.]

But I think the root of this is fear.  Fear that my own decision will be wrong. Fear that you [not YOU you, but the general you] will disagree with my decision or thoughts and by default, would I then be making the wrong decision?

I believe some would label me a “people-pleaser”. I think that is a mild way to put it.

For no reason at all, I also fear what God has to say about this too. Not every day, just today. My brain muddles up the facts so much that I can’t hear the truth anymore, especially when the truth seems to have a lot of faces, like a pair of dice. All the truth, just lots of sides. At least that is how it feels.

At some point in this, Captain Avoidance here is going to disappoint someone. Maybe my friends? Maybe my family? Maybe just by working so hard to please all of them, I will end up disappointing myself.

And I kinda hate that.

So I keep doing my thing, checking my email, reading my book club book, biting my nails, and doing whatever it takes to no longer think about the situations in which I can’t find an all-pleasing answer.

This is NOT a fun Friday blog.  I’m really sorry.  But my friend Candace says that bloggers never look weak or like they have issues.  But trust me, amidst the fun parties [with or without awesome dress], the great new friends, and the new found love of Nashville,

I’m still Annie.

I still disappoint myself and wish I was more like the me I can make up in my head.

The laundry needs folding.  I want milk in my cereal. I’m about to call my parents. And somewhere, in the deep part of me, the part that is officially greater than my fears, I want to hear God.

Now go and have yourself a fun weekend.

I’ve totally got you in the mood. 🙂

13 comments

  1. posted on Dec 12, 2008 at 8:27 PM  |  reply

    I hear you on the laundry, only mine has been needing to be done for a week.

    And I hear you on the avoiding thing too. Thanks for being authentic, this post was a good gutcheck for me…

  2. posted on Dec 12, 2008 at 9:03 PM  |  reply

    Well, I WAS is the mood to do something fun, but now I’m going to go fold my laundry. If it’s been sitting there since last Tuesday, can I just fold it, or does it need to be re-washed again?

  3. posted on Dec 12, 2008 at 9:25 PM  |  reply

    We’ve all been there a time or two, Annie. As long as you know that you’re just passing through, you’ll be fine.

    P.S. I like my cheerios with milk as well. =)

  4. posted on Dec 12, 2008 at 11:43 PM  |  reply

    Annie,
    I think I can relate. I do the same thing. Probably for all the same reasons.

    I always refer to it as distracting myself.

    For me, that avoidance thing has decreased over the years. I think because of how I’ve slowly grown in an understanding of how I’m loved by those around me.

    The fact that you’re recognizing it is huge. Especially at a *slightly younger age than I. (I feel old now.) 😉

  5. posted on Dec 13, 2008 at 12:29 AM  |  reply

    Aw, puddin.

    Just call me. I’ll tell you exactly what you should do. Really. It’s one of my hobbies.

    Praying that you will put your fear of God above your fear of man.

    love you.

  6. posted on Dec 13, 2008 at 9:40 AM  |  reply

    i am the same way, hun. a people-pleaser, that is. i never NEVER want anyone to be mad at me or diappointed in me or think badly of me…i could go on all day, but you get the point. i do not deal well with that kind of thing AT.ALL i think that may be why i’ve never held a job more than six months. i am so hard on myself at being perfect at stuff that i’m afraid that someone else (my boss) will find out i’m not perfect (like they don’t already know 😉 ) and not like me or be mad at me or fire me. man i guess i never really thougth about that before. i guess that’s the truth though! hope i helped you as much as you helped me on this one!! 😉 and don’t forget…You can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengtheneth you!!

  7. posted on Dec 13, 2008 at 12:11 PM  |  reply

    This made me laugh because I’ve been trying to figure out what to do on a Saturday while avoiding all the things I should do. I’m looking for the activity with the greatest detachment factor so that I can pass my whole Saturday without feeling guilty for avoiding my to do list.

    Agh.

  8. posted on Dec 13, 2008 at 1:46 PM  |  reply

    I randomly stumbled upon your blog this morning and I have to say I love it! Especially this post…Because it spoke directly to a place that I can get stuck in all too often.

  9. posted on Dec 13, 2008 at 11:56 PM  |  reply

    The laundry line is gonna land you a husband. Budda bing, girl.

  10. posted on Dec 14, 2008 at 12:02 AM  |  reply

    You know what I think????

    Just kidding.

  11. posted on Dec 14, 2008 at 1:22 PM  |  reply

    I love your thoughts here, Annie, but I also think you’ve stumbled onto some good truth: too many opinions muddy the water sometimes.

    I, too, have in the past shared the details of my life with too many people, some of whom were not careful with “me”. I’m learning who is and (more importantly) who isn’t careful with me.

    Anyway, besides that, I love the way you are.

  12. Danielle
    posted on Dec 14, 2008 at 4:13 PM  |  reply

    …this also, is why we’re friends. Perfectionists Unite! Fear of failing and dissappointing stops me in my tracks way more than it should! Try a Jazzercise class, it’ll put things into perspective for ya! LOVE YOU!

  13. Mandi Cornett
    posted on Dec 27, 2008 at 9:46 PM  |  reply

    Thanks Annie, loved this post and can totally relate! AHHH….I like the me I think I am in my head better too. 🙂 I’m a pleaser to the core, to put it lightly, but the Lord is so Faithful. I’m learning to live in the reality of the fact that the Lord is pleased with Himself and I am His…thus He is pleased. He will finish the work He has started. Easier said than done in my practical life- I have 6 loads to fold! Thanks for sharing and being you.

Join the discussion

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Get a sneak peek of Annie’s latest book! Click the link to download two free chapters of Let’s All Be Brave.