That’s when I reached my limit, when I realized that I had asked more of my body than it could sustain. Physically. Spiritually. Emotionally. All of it.
In the last month or so, I’ve released a book, written and released a 30 Day Devotional, traveled nine different times, logged a bazillion air miles [not the exact count, but you know…], and spoken in front of thousands of girls. And that’s not counting my time with friends, college ministry responsibilities, and writing two chapters of the next book.
[THE NEXT BOOK!?!? Wait patiently, grasshoppers.]
This isn’t bragging. It’s my job. You probably could make a “life is a little zany” list as well- whether it be school work or kids or travel or hours at your job or in the classroom or on the internet. We all are busy.
But I reached my limit. I didn’t know I had one until my face was so firmly pushed up against the “I need a break” brick wall that it was leaving an imprint on my face.
So, thanks to a major deadline getting moved to this week, I was able to back out of attending and blogging at a major conference. Good move for my career? Not so much. Good move for my soul? For sure.
Once the decision was made Sunday morning, something on my insides collapsed. I can’t explain it except to say that the more I tried to get out of bed, the less it was possible. I finished Season 5 of Alias, I caught up on reading blogs, I slept. I didn’t even eat, y’all. And when 5pm came and it was time to go to church, it was like pulling a human from a muddy pit.
I slept a lot of hours Sunday night. And then I fell apart again on Monday and found my eyes closing while standing in line at the DMV. I napped Monday afternoon, did not answer a single email until 5pm, and by Monday night, I began to feel human again.
I’m not sad. I’m not sick. My insides and my outsides were just taxed.
. . . . .
There is so so much I am having to learn right now in my life.
- What are my limits? [Apparently they were BACK THERE somewhere and I missed them.]
- How much of my life do I want to share?
- What does privacy feel like to me?
- How do I do this career well but allow myself to make mistakes and learn in this?
- How do I stay connected to Jesus in all of this and fight off the lies that the enemy is pouring into my life?
It’s hard, y’all. Hard to know how to do this. I’m just not so good at this life yet.
. . . . .
So I decided to tell jokes. Jokes lighten everything. Jokes soothe me in ways that other forms of writing don’t. This month should be really fun as I have some of my favorite people telling you some jokes, we’ll have a few joke competitions, and I’ll tell you the ones that I can’t quit laughing about.
But if there is one thing that is true of us around here, we are honest. If the joke isn’t funny, you can say. If the author is exhausted, she’s gonna say. Neither of us gain anything if we walk this season quietly. So I won’t. I’ll tell you the good things about releasing my first traditionally published book, and I’ll tell you the hard things, like exhaustion and my bank account overdrafting because I forgot to pay myself [self-employment fail].
. . . . .
I’m gonna be fine. I promise. And I’m not going to quit. That’s for sure. I’m just going to try to rest sooner, write more, and laugher harder. Yay for jokes.
Do you love jokes, too? What does a good joke do for your soul?