And before you continue this post, you have to make the conscious choice not to judge me when you read this.

Make the choice.  “I won’t judge Annie right now.”

Thank you. There is such freedom in that.

I have a dream job that I really want. It’s not common- in fact, I don’t know another person on Earth who aspires to this. But to me, when I think about day jobs [also known as “Until-I’m-A-Real-Author-I’ve-Got-To-Find-Other-Ways-To-Pay-The-Bills”], this is the one that I want.

And by “one”, I mean this is the one I want to tack on to the other two part time jobs that I already have (as Nanny McAnnie and at Mocha Club).

Because nothing says starving artist like a bouquet of part time jobs.

My dream job: running the craft section of Wal-Mart.  Specifically, cutting fabric for people.

You said you wouldn’t judge. Listen, if there are two companies thriving in this recession, it’s Wal-Mart and McDonalds and though I do love McDonalds, I think it would really be detrimental to my girlish figure to work there.

If you haven’t seen the craft section at Wal-Mart, you are missing out.  There is a large table with a deep ridge in it, where the fabric cutter [ME!] can slide a pair of scissors, cutting the fabric without having to move the scissor blades, just slide them.

Can you even FATHOM the kinds of stories I would hear?

“I need this cowboy print fabric for a new shirt I’m making Bubba.” [My response: “You are only feeding the stereotype, ma’am.”]

“Could I get 2 yards of white tulle to make my veil?” [My response: “Please buy your veil, it’s your wedding for Pete’s sake. Oh…. your LAST husband’s name was Pete? My apologies. 2 yards, you said? Let’s make it 3. That 3rd one is on the house.”]

“How much black fabric would I need to cover my entire room floor to ceiling?” [My response: “Go home. You’re creepy.”]

See, I would be PERFECT at this job. I’ve prepped for the conversations. What more can Wally-World ask for?

And after I would cut the fabric, then I get to use a scan gun to scan it, type in how many yards, then print out a little sticker to attach to the fabric so they know how much to pay.

Did I mention that I wouldn’t even have to move the scissors? Just slide them?

It all sounds rather heavenly.

I don’t know how, but I just wrote an entire post about how I dream of working at Wal-Mart. My life is a cornucopia of random.