I feel all sandy.

Remember how I decided that this year I was going to read the Bible? Like, the WHOLE Bible?

No one is as surprised as me about this next statement: I’m actually doing it.

Yes, some nights I have to read more than one day worth, sometimes 3 or 4 days in one sitting, but as of RIGHT THIS MINUTE, I’m caught up.

So we [me and Bible] are in Exodus. And as I read this verse last night, I smiled to myself.

Exodus 13:17
When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, “If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.”

I smiled because I saw again how very well God knows me. Not how well He knows humankind, though He does, but how well He knows Annie. And the Israelites.

I should have been an Israelite. I act like one. A lot.

Because I am sure that God has, on His dashboard, my fear-o-meter. It’s like a thermometer with a gauge… it’s complicated. As He shows me the next step, I think He glances down at the fear-o-meter to see if it is blinking in the red zone. The “panic” zone. The “I don’t think this whole ‘drop everything that has been familiar and embrace a totally new life’ thing is such a good idea” zone.

Yes, that’s a zone. Check the map.

He knows there is a shorter route for me. There is a more direct way for us to get from here to there. I could just shoot through the middle, a path that is less mileage wise but significantly more turbulent.

But He knows I have a weak stomach. I can’t handle turbulence. He knows I would change my mind. He knows I almost changed my mind this week.

Because He knows me, we take a roundabout way through the desert. Because He knows that I would run myself back to Egypt at the first sign of war. So instead of setting some universal bravery goal for everyone, He just works with me. He picks a path for me that I can manage. I still get to go where He has planned and (if you’ve read Exodus you know this) the desert is not without it’s issues. So it’s not an avoidance thing, it’s like the Bible says, He just never gives us more than we can handle.

But it’s really not about the struggle to me. Struggles will always come and go. They are unavoidable, though I would pay a large sum of money [thatIdon’thave] to be protected from them all my livelong days. “Perseverance” is NOT my middle name.

It’s about the heart of God, and how He eases up on folks sometimes just so they don’t give up. He makes us want to keep going. Because He’d rather us slowly go to victory than quickly return to slavery.

Victory…. or Nashville. Whatever.

I’m glad it’s about what He knows, and how He knows me. Because I am weak. I have an unsteady step and an uncommitted mind. I’m not real good at this thing. So I just trust Him, and what He knows, and keep in my view the cloud by day and the fire by night. I will follow Him. Because He knows where we are going.

“All I know is the bleeding in my heart,
and the healing in Your touch.
All I know is that You gave everything,
so let that be enough.
Cause it’s all I know.”
– Matt Wertz

I hear ya, Matt. That’s all I know, too.

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