To Hell and Back: Tonsil Edition.

Here’s the best tip I can give you- have your children’s tonsils taken out right after they are born. I’m talking, when they take the baby off the scale and start to clean it (him/her) off, mention to the doctor that now might be a nice time to take out the tonsils. Because let’s be honest, babies are already freaking out about breathing air and swimming in the atmosphere instead of liquid- let’s go ahead and cut these puppies out and save them the grief. They will NEVER know the difference. Trust me- I used to be a baby and I don’t remember any of it.

I’m starting a national campaign- NTFB. No Tonsils For Babies. It’s gonna catch on like wildfire. Like scabs in the back of your throat- growing and growing but never leaving. Excellent.

I woke up last night about 3:3oam screaming crying. Pacing in pain. Gripping my throat. Unable to breathe. It was rad. I haven’t woken my Mom up in the middle of the night since I puked in high school, but last night I went old-school and woke her up. It was horrible. Worst night yet. Again, I salute the creator of medical narcotics.

Today, a friend of my mom’s called and has a house guest. Said house guest is about my age and had her tonsils out a month ago. She told me a lot of interesting things that her doctor said that MINE DIDN’T. Hmmm. the perfect place to insert “Had you told me that yesterday, things might have been different”. We made some changes today, thanks to tonsil-less house guest, and scabs are already exiting at a quicker pace.

It’s been decided that I’m not going back to school until Thursday. I figure until I can sleep through the night without drugs, I can’t really be in control of my students’ futures. It’s just not right.

Finally, here is a list of things I have not done in 10 days (since pre-surgery):

1) Eaten a meal. No kidding. I’ve lived off of soup and gatorade. Mom forced me to eat 1/4 cup of mashed potatoes today. (A sentence I’m sure made my grandmother Kath roll over in her grave- none of her offspring are allowed to dislike mashed potatoes.)

2) Worn my contacts.

3) Drank Diet Coke. And I’m gonna try to stick to this one (we’ll see- the true test? Laredo’s.)

4) Worn shoes. Weird, but true.

5) Gone outside.

There are a few more, but some things are too impolite for a Southern lady to talk about, even for me.

Seriously, I’m sure that this will be awesome when I don’t have strep anymore. I’m not whining- just telling you the facts and trying to bring a smile to your face at the cost of my pain.

And I end tonight with this-
How bout them dawgs? It’s great to be a Georgia Bulldog.

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